Summer sex tips

Sit back and learn all you need to know about scoring more summer sex.

1. Hammock lovin'

Swinging fun needn't necessarily involve the neighbours and a bowl of car keys. You have two options: have your good woman straddle you as you lie lengthways in the hammock, making sure she can touch the floor with her feet. Or use the hammock as a thrust booster - have her lie in it widthways while you stand and manoeuvre her back and forth. Raise the temperature Hangaboutz Hammocks has the widest range, from wooden stand hammocks to the good old rope ones (www.hangaboutz.co.za). All hammocks have been tested to hold over 650kg, and are hand-made by the local Zulu community.

2. Mile-high sex

Sex at 35 000 feet has always held an irresistible allure. But can we actually get away with some in-flight entertainment? According to a press officer for Virgin Atlantic, "Cabin crew deal with these situations sensitively. We like passengers to enjoy their flight. If this disturbs other passengers, however, action will be taken by the cabin crew. Passengers should be aware that by doing this they could be committing an offence for which they could be prosecuted." Austin Powers' memorable "if the jet starts a-rocking, don't come knocking" quip is unlikely to hold much sway. Raise the temperature Fly BA Business Class. The fully fl at beds allow you to get completely horizontal and the seats are arranged in pairs, so one person's head is at another's feet. Row 69 is ready for take-off!

3. Sunlounger sex

The key here is slatted sun-loungers. Stash pillows under the lounger and lie face down on it, with your member hanging free; then have her lie underneath (on top of the pillows) and take you in her mouth for the best sunbathing session of your life. Raise the temperature Drape towels over the sides of the lounger and this trick can be done in public. "Blind sex - when you can't see the other person - is very erotic," says Emily Dubberly. "And being outside provides an added dimension, making it a phenomenal experience for both of you."

4. Sunburnt sex

If your chest has developed a shade the wrong side of crimson, try sitting down with her on top so she can avoid touching you with her legs. If, on the other hand, your back is burnt, have her lie on the bed while you stand with her legs wrapped around you - this way she can't dig her nails into your back in even the most out-of-control throes of passion. Raise the temperature Cold, plain yoghurt is wonderfully cooling on mild sunburn and slathering it on each other will lead to some fun licking it off.

5. Keep your zip up

Georgetown, Guyana
If you're caught at it here you'll be coated in paint, then "attached to an ass and taken on a tour of the village", then told not to come back.

Riga, Latvia
Where you're guaranteed a silent night as it's illegal for couples to argue while having sex.

Lebanon
Here men are allowed to have sex with female animals, but having sex with a male animal is punishable by death. Tropea, Italy Only young women "capable of exalting the beauty of the female body" are allowed to sunbathe nude here.

Saudi Arabia
Here all sex is illegal for unmarried women.

While in Egypt, Vietnam, the Dominican Republic, Guatemala and Virginia, USA, the age of sexual consent for women is 18. In Madagascar it's 21.

Bahrain
Here male doctors may not look directly at a woman's genitals - he must use a mirror instead. India, Jamaica and Tanzania All these countries punish homosexuality with 10 to 25 years in prison, while in Saudi Arabia it, and adultery, carry the death penalty.

Wrong instincts

You want to follow you sexual instincts? Well, guess what, they’re all wrong.

THE STRIP TEASE
The instinct
To tear her clothes off with your teeth.

The better move
Coax her clothes off.
Some women feel uneasy if they're naked too soon. So pace yourself. Undo only her first two shirt buttons. Go beneath her clothes without removing them. Unzip her jeans. Run your fingers under her bra straps. You're trying to hint at what's going to follow once the clothes do come off. Aim for four minutes; anymore and she may think you don't want to see her naked.

THE SMOOTH MOVE
The instinct
To squeeze her breasts like a stress ball.

The better move
Lighten your touch - your job is to please her, not satisfy yourself with a fact-finding grope. A guy's 'average' touch is 20 percent more forceful than a woman's. Concentrate on areas of her upper body that don't get a lot of play, like her collarbone, the inside of her arms and the sides of her stomach.

THE THRUSTER
The instinct
She's going wild, so you want to go faster, deeper and harder.

The better move
Try slow, shallow thrusts instead. At the start, going slow and shallow will help the vaginal wall expand, allowing for deeper penetration. Don't think of intercourse as a race to the top; it's a measured, gradual climb.

Take her outdoor's

ON THE BEACH

You've both thought about it, so expectations are high. "Beaches connote both sex and romance," says Ellen Kate Friedrichs, of www.sexedvice.com. Bring up the idea early in a trip to heighten anticipation. And don't be impulsive - pick your spot carefully and bring a blanket. Wait until long after sunset, then get away from the ambient light of the boardwalk or pier. And stay clear of the dunes as you won't be able to hear an interloper until he or she is on top of you.

ON A CAMPING TRIP

Don't confine your primal urges to the tent (although a stealth shag in a campground with neighbours nearby is hot). On a hike, it's worth carrying the extra weight of blankets and a sleeping roll. Then get off the trail, find a sheltered spot and let it happen. In camp, you can turn your regular sleeping bags into a fun house for two - as long as one bag has a zip on the left and the other a zip on the right.

IN THE HOT TUB

It's simultaneously private and out in the open. And you can both be stark (or nearly) naked without feeling exposed, thanks to the churning water. Hot tubs are social, relaxing spaces, but they also represent sexiness. And she'll love those jets. We suggest a silicone-based lube for whatever you have in mind as her natural lubrication will wash away.

Build a human

If you want to get her pregnant, there's no time like the growing season. In a study, women who underwent in vitro fertilisation during the spring and summer months were twice as likely to fall pregnant as the autumn-and-winter group. The researchers believe that women in general may be more fertile in the summer because daylight suppresses production of melatonin, a hormone that can interfere with ovulation. Don't want a baby? You're a big boy now. March straight into that pharmacy and buy yourself a bumper pack of latex.

I got it for my mama

Gifts for your old lady

Women are tricky customers when it comes to the perfect Christmas present. And your mother – or worse, your mother-in-law – is no exception.

There’s a fine line between the message you give with a potpourri teabag for her cupboard and a stylish silk scarf. There’s also a big cost difference. You want something original that’s got the lasting factor once the wrapping’s been torn off – and the novelty’s gone – on Christmas day. Here are some ideas for differing tastes and price tags.

1. Green gifts
Without completely assuming that all mothers like to garden, most moms will appreciate something pretty and potted. Household herbs in little pots – like rosemary, parsley, basil and thyme – are a good choice. Flower seed packets are usually quite pretty and you can put a few together in a festive box. Choose according to the season. If she does have green fingers, think garden accessories too, like feminine gardening gloves or a gardening mat for her to kneel on while she weeds. You can work on a budget and all it takes is a trip to a nursery, so you’ll be avoiding the crowded malls.

2. Gold star gifts
At this time of year magazine subscription deals are everywhere. You can get your mom a subscription to her favourite glossy for a good deal, and probably score a free gift too. If she doesn’t have a preferred magazine, contact a local florist and find out whether they will arrange a contract with you to deliver flowers to your mom monthly or bimonthly. NetFlorist doesn’t just do flowers. You can sign up and specify what you want each month (nuts for March, tulips for May) and then pay in advance and forget about it. Both are gifts that will remind her every month when they arrive what a loving, thoughtful son you are. Can anyone say brownie points? www.netflorist.co.za

3. Gadget gifts
This category covers novelty gifts that she’ll use every day and that will, ideally, make her life easier. A good place to start is the kitchen. With the convenience of shopping online and free delivery, Yuppiechef has cool gadgets in a range of prices. Only got R100 to spend? Something like the Chef'n Fridge Fork for R69. It easily attaches to any size jar to take the hassle out of spearing pickles, olives, onions and other condiments from jars. www.yuppiechef.co.za

4. Goodwill gifts
Choose your mom’s favourite charity or a cause she cares about – like protecting and rehabilitating animals for example – and make a donation in her name. You could do something like adopting a penguin on www.sanccob.co.za. Depending on the cause, they’ll send her a letter of thanks or keep her updated on the charity.

5. Girlie gifts
While they fuss around everyone else, mothers generally put themselves last. A spa voucher is the gift answer. Most spas will have packages that will include a few things (like a manicure, pedicure and back massage). If you don’t want to choose a specific treatment or think she won’t appreciate the age-defying facial, just get a voucher for an amount and let her choose what she wants.

Picnic props

Make the most of lazy South African summer days. Here are the five must-haves for your summer picnic pack.

1. Multi-purpose knife
This is the moment to bring out your inner boy scout. Your set must have a sharp, functioning knife, corkscrew and bottle opener. Some of them come with all manner of utensils too. Avoid food that you need cutlery for and stick to finger snacks. Pocket knife R180. www.capeunionmart.co.za

2. The blanket
An essential at any picnic. Make sure it’s big enough for you and all the food. If all else fails, your sleeping bag is a good option as it’s soft with waterproofing on one side. Just make sure you’ve aired it since your last camping excursion, as it may be musty and unpleasant. Roll-up picnic mat R99. www.capeunionmart.co.za

3. Cutting board
You’re going to need something flat, whether it’s for cutting on, arranging food or simply resting your wine glass. Learn to build one yourself at www.doityourself.com

4. Plastic wine glasses
Nothing spoils the mood or cheapens the wine than having to drink out of an opaque tumbler that reminds you of a kiddies’ party. Glass is risky so get a good quality plastic wine-glass set. Wine glasses R12 each. www.wineglasses.co.za

5. Hand wipes
This is a must-have and will really score points with your lady. Not only are the wipes hygienic, but you can use them to wipe the knife before reusing it, mop plates and glasses before packing them away and clean your hands after the snacks. R6 from Clicks.

Listen, sexy

Beware of that sultry voice: a woman’s voice sounds sexier when she’s at her peak of fertility. When men listened to the voices of women at different points in their menstrual cycles, they rated the sound of women at peak fertility as most attractive. Hormones throughout the menstrual cycle change the quality of a woman’s voice, possibly by altering the pitch. Women are more receptive to sex at the same fertile point in their cycles. If she seems irresistible, make sure you have a condom. Or maybe it’s the perfect time for phone sex.

The bikini effect

The promise of sex can impair our judgement. New research reports that sexual urges make men crave quick rewards when they make decisions about money or food. In the study, men who were given lingerie to fondle or shown videos of women running in bikinis tended to be content with a small immediate monetary reward instead of a bigger one that involved waiting. They made similar decisions about chocolate and soft drinks. Sexual stimuli snap men’s minds into the present, researchers speculate, making fast rewards more appealing. Remember that on your next dinner date when the dessert cart rolls up.

Want to impress her?

Talk about your touch rugby league, not your marathon PR. Women are more attracted to team players than to men who prefer solo sports, according to a study in Evolutionary Psychology. When women viewed photos of men along with captions about the men’s athletic endeavours, they rated those who played team sports higher in both datability and sexual attractiveness. The reason? Women may associate team sports with celebrity, says study author Dr Albrecht Schulte- Hostedde. They may also prefer socially dominant men – the type often seen playing team sports.

Too much porn

Think before you click: watching porn online can lead to less sex in real life. A recent study in the Journal of Sex Research found that one in 10 men who watch sex on the Net become less interested in the real thing. And the more they watch, the less they have real sex. One reason? They prefer the body in the video to the one in their bed. Men are more likely to watch porn alone, says study author Dr Julie Albright, of the University of Southern California. So suggest that your partner pull up a chair. Forty-one percent of women have checked out online porn, and more than half of those women say it makes them feel experimental.

What she expects

In our exclusive poll, 38 percent of women said 10 to 20 minutes of intercourse is all they desire. Keep the Kama Sutra on the shelf: 66 percent want to keep the positioning fairly tame at first. Have her lie back with her knees slightly bent and place pillows under her hips, torso and head. That’ll allow you to kneel between her legs and enter her as you simultaneously stroke her clitoris with your hand. Patti Taylor.

Woman explained

1. Women are more likely to achieve their ideal body aesthetic when they’re single. Constancy breeds complacency.

2. We are obsessed with breasts. If it was an option, all women would trade theirs in for a more replete and resplendent model.

3. We’ve all devoted at least one of our masturbatory fantasies to Mick Jagger.

4. A woman is more likely to go foraging through her partner’s cellphone the week before her period starts.

5. When a man intimates that we stop spending Sunday afternoons a) out wining and dining, or b) in the boudoir, and starts nudging us towards furniture shopping, he is signalling the end of the relationship.

6. Most women would prefer to be remembered posthumously as being great in bed rather than having a great mind.

7. We do not find lavatorial humour as funny as you do.

8. Many of us wish we had not nailed our colours to the feminist cause – it’s just another institution that tells us what to do and monitors our sexual exploits.

Multiple orgasms, one explanation

According to various scientific estimates, between 14 and 43 percent of women have experienced multiple orgasms, and according to the authors of Understanding
Human Sexuality, even non-porn stars can achieve up to 20 in a row. But an online review of the research surrounding multiple orgasms suggests that for most women, the maximum number of times you can rock their boat will be seven, at which point you’ll very much be rubbing them up the wrong way. Want to experience it yourself? Research over the last 40 years suggests that the best way to set your own orgasm on repeat play is to practise avoiding ejaculation – in other words, controlling yourself with your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. These muscles can be built up by tensing them when you pee, stopping and starting your flow of urine. One study found a man capable of six ejaculations within 36 minutes – though if he did that in a lab with docs watching, chances are he’s not so much a lothario as a freak of nature.

Woo her with words

Words, wielded wisely, can be a powerful instrument of seduction. The key? Make it subtle. Consider the five make-or-break romantic situations below.

THE SITUATION
You’re asking her out for the first time.

DON’T SAY
“Want to go out to dinner on Friday night?”

TRY
“Want to go out for Thai food on Friday night?”

WHY IT WORKS
“You’re creating an experience she can visualise,” says Eve Marx, author of Flirtspeak. Unlike a blank proposal, it engages and puts her in the moment; she’ll see you two sharing Thai.


THE SITUATION
Your entrées have arrived; you’d like to offer her a piece of your meat.

DON’T SAY
“Want some fillet?”

TRY
“Want a taste of my fillet?”

WHY IT WORKS
“Taste” is sexy, says Marx. “She could be thinking how you might taste each other later.” Other triggers: “bite”, “juicy” and “tender”. And never offer her a spoonful of ice cream, only a lick.


THE SITUATION
You want her to go home with you.

DON’T SAY
“Let’s go back to my place.”

TRY
“Let’s go back to my place, because I have a great view.”

WHY IT WORKS
The magic word: “because”. “People comply 66 percent more often when they hear a phrase with ‘because’ in it,” says Kevin Hogan, author of Irresistible Attraction.


THE SITUATION
You want to move your make-out session to the bedroom.

DON’T SAY
“I really want to make love to you.”

TRY
“Can you imagine how great it’d feel if we made love?”

WHY IT WORKS
Reframing your desire as a question forces her to think about it, says Hogan. The sensory word “imagine” reinforces the visual picture. If what she sees doesn’t repulse her, you’re in.


THE SITUATION
It’s three months later and you want to add more spice to your sex life.

DON’T SAY
“Are you into bondage?”

TRY
“Could we try tying each other up?”

WHY IT WORKS
“Terms like ‘try’ and ‘maybe’ give the woman a chance to say yes without feeling pressured,” says communications professor at Texas Tech University, Dr Narissra Carter.

How to be tough and sensitive

Women love a man with a sensitive side. But how do you retain a hard exterior while showing off your soft centre? We reveal all.

Rule 1. HIDE ANY ARROGANCE
If you make yourself the focus of every story you tell, you know what we'll think? That you're insecure and desperate, and have something to prove. We like self-deprecation - a man who can laugh at himself.

Here's how
Everyone loves to bond about how sad they were in school - it proves that you can laugh at yourself while subtly conveying that you've become a whole lot cooler. Win her over by showing her your gawky 1995 student card photo. Be careful not to overdo it, lest you fail the next step.


Rule 2. SMILE THROUGH THE PAIN
No matter what the topic, moaning is seriously unsexy (unless it's the kind that occurs between the sheets).

Here's how
If you can't get served at a bar, for example, don't complain about the service - laugh it off and ask her to try instead. And your problem at work? We don't care: this is our fun time.

Rule 3. TREAT HER LIKE A MATE
Nice guys hate to offend, so they add "just kidding" after every piss-taking comment. It smacks of insecurity - you don't have to be so eager to please.

Here's how
Poke fun at her girlie drink, her tumbleweed-blower of a joke - the way you made fun of the girls you really liked when you were at school.


Rule 4. FOCUS ON HER CHARACTER
She's heard enough men tell her she has beautiful eyes and will assume you're just trying to get in her pants. But if you're genuinely listening to her (you are, right?) and observe something about her inner person, it will get you far, because it's rare.

Here's how
People are always interested in a near-stranger's assessment of their character. If she makes you laugh, tell her she's funny. If she says something sweet, tell her she's kind.


Rule 5. BUY HER A DRINK...
...but let her buy the next. It will help to make you seem less of a pick-up artist and more of an equal.

Here's how
We think you know how to say, "Yes thanks, I'll have a beer". Let her do a little of the work so she'll relax into being seduced. If you insist on paying all night, she'll see you as an old fashioned control freak.


Rule 6. MAKE HER LAUGH
Sharing a joke makes her feel you are "connecting" and is a far better indicator that she'll go home with you than sharing a kiss.

Here's how
Be witty and irreverent - no knock-knock jokes. A cloak of humour can disguise your intentions: jokily ask if she'd like to come up and see your etchings. After all, many a true word is spoken in jest.

Decode her diggs

Investigate her home to decide if she’s right for you

1. IS SHE GOING TO BE CLINGY?
Look for pairs of anything

Two nightstands, a bedside lamp on each side of the bed, pairs of candles… “If you see pairs – and lots of them – run for the door if you don’t want a relationship,” says sexologist and author Yvonne Fulbright. “Consciously or not, she’s displaying the belief that creating balance in the bedroom invites love into your life.” Look to escape.

2. WILL SHE BE HIGH MAINTENANCE?
Look at her photos

Check out her party snaps. If she’s always front and centre, you’ve got a high-maintenance attention-seeker. “But if you see lots of photos of animals, she’s channeling a maternal instinct,” says New York psychologist Dr Gary Aumiller. Great if you have an Oedipal complex.

3. WILL SHE BE EASY TO TALK TO?
Look at her furniture

A cluttered room suggests an open book, she’ll spill her guts to you. “But a more private person will have backs of chairs facing doors, and confined traffic patterns,” says design psychologist Dr Constance Forrest. Otherwise, use wine to get her to talk.

4. IS SHE GOING TO BE CONTROLLING?
Look at her bookshelf

Are her books alphabetized by subject? By author? “A personalized Dewey Decimal system can mean neuroticism,” says Aumiller. “But general orderliness indicates someone who’s responsible.” Cluttered shelves are a sign she’s a free thinker. Or her cleaner’s away.

Sex on the beach

The beach offers maximum opportunity – how long does it take to remove a bikini? – but it does come with risks. During the hottest parts of the day, areas of your skin not usually exposed to the sun can burn in the time it takes to do the deed. And pay attention to the wind. If it’s blowing sand into your face, imagine how it will feel on your sensitive bits. Your moan of pleasure might also be silenced by a mouthful of sand.

Hook her interest

Passion is contagious. Expose your woman to new things, and she’ll experience new things about herself. Best part, she’ll pair you mentally with adventurous behaviour, and will want more of you.

Risky business

“Risky behaviour of all kinds boosts arousal” says Alan Booth, professor of Sociology and Human Development at Penn State University. Even better, “Women who participate in physical activity are more easily aroused, have a stronger libido and have an improved ability to reach climax,” says Cedric Bryant, professor and chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. And if you can’t keep her on her toes, you’ll pay dearly. How? Boring sex, if any.

Train your tongue

You’ve brought her to a dribbling frenzy with your dexterous hands. Now it’s time to lick her lips. First practice on your intimate friend the plum, which will have split by now if you’ve been practicing your hand-massage technique. Take the plum and press your tongue against the split. Put the thick, middle part of your tongue on the base of the split and slowly sweep upwards. Try pressing and stroking the split with different pressures and speeds. When it comes to the real thing, her moans will be a sure indication of what sends her rocketing. The tongue is an amazing muscle, so use it to full capacity. After a few, long strokes that gently massage her whole vulva, add a tongue-tip flick at the upper end of the labial split.

The combination of stimulation on her inner lips and the erotic tickle of the tip of your tongue on her clitoris will send her into an extreme pleasure spin. To really put your tongue through its paces, practise on the plum a little more. Lick the inside of the split, using your tongue to try and access the stone. If you get to it, try to extract it. This exercise works your tongue muscles, increasing your power and stamina for cunnilingus. You don’t want your tongue to wimper and die at the crucial moment.

Touch, tap and blow

Touching her clitoris is often not enough. Some women also love a light genital tapping, which encourages blood flow to the skin’s surface and charges the nerve endings. Also try placing your thumb and forefinger around the clitoral hood, gently pinching the clitoris and rolling it between your fingers. Now pull the hood up, exposing the clitoris, and blow gently on it. Then, with the lightest touch, use a lubricated fingertip to stroke it in different directions to see what she likes best – try side to side, upwards, downwards or circles.

Give her the best sex

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Get her to climax quickly

To get a new partner to climax quickly, you need to be able to find her clitoris. By far the easiest way to do this is to use her genital lips, or labia minora, as a guide. Follow them up from the bottom (closest to her backside) to where they come together towards the top (closest to her navel). Just beyond this point is a fleshy horizontal fold of skin. That’s the clitoral hood.

Put a finger above that and gently pull upwards, towards her belly, to expose a small fleshy knob between the lips. Bingo. That’s her clitoris. These little epicentres of pleasure come in all shapes and sizes. Some clitorises hide, others jump out. Some women have larger labia, while others have almost none. And some women have hefty clitoral hoods that need to be pulled back quite a bit to get to the love button. Rarely will the private parts of your sex interest look like porn-star pleasure boxes, especially since so many porn stars have had cosmetic surgery done to their genitals. So there’s simply no way you can know exactly where her clit is – or how to touch it – until you’ve done a little intrepid exploring.

Take a good look once you’ve found it. You’ll see it doesn’t look like a button, the way a nipple does. It’s the same colour as the inner, fleshy bits of her labia, which makes it a little tricky to see, but it does stand proud of the surrounding area when it’s fully aroused and engorged with blood. Courtesy of you, of course.

Embrace darkness

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Give her the eye

Confusing this, but not telling a woman she’s sexy turns her on more than doing so. That’s not an excuse to tell her that her arse does look a bit fat in that, but rather the fact that women are aroused if they are looked at lustily. A report suggested that women use more non-verbal cues during sex than men. So match her. Telling your girlfriend she looks sexy will turn her on, but the way you look at her is what will really get her going. Think about how sexy she looks when she’s giving you head, and the way you look at her. Then make sure you look at her the same way during sex. Or indeed, while doing the washing up.

Rub her down

When she asks you for a massage, she’s not asking for a 30-second neck rub before resuming normal servicing. She’s actually asking you to warm her up slowly. So know which spot to pick: The bottom of the spine is a highly neglected erogenous zone, and the small of the back is rich in nerve endings, as well as being home to various pressure points that increase blood flow to the pelvic region. The move that will encompass the lot: Lie her on her front and dribble massage oil down her spine and between the cheeks of her bottom. Use your thumbs to gently rub from her neck to the small of the back and all the way down to her vagina. Then enter her from behind so her back is still stimulated by your belly.

Do nothing

Biologically speaking, at the critical moment of orgasm, she’d rather that it was you lying back and thinking of England. According to studies there is a general orgasmic principle of building up excitation in which rhythmic stimulation is absolutely critical. Break that at any point and it’s game over. “Most women have been there: ‘It’s coming! It’s coming!’ And suddenly it’s not, because spurred on by her excitement you get overenthusiastic and switch position,” says Dr Yvonne K Fulbright, author of Touch Me There!: A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots. You should stop at the crucial moment – when she is on the brink – and let her use you as a ‘point of resistance’ to take herself over the edge. Think of yourself as both rock and a hard place: just don’t move.

On the lips

Lots of kissing reassures her that you’re not simply out for sex, says author of Touch Me There!, Yvonne Fulbright. Only one in seven women would consider sleeping with you without a kissing session first, reveals a study in Evolutionary Psychology. And two-thirds of women have ended a relationship based on the first kiss, possible because the man was a sloppy kisser. Trace her lips with your tongue, and alternate soft kisses with some gentle lip sucking.

The K-spot?

Experiments conducted by the authors of The Science of Orgasm discovered an orgasm-like response from the stimulation of a woman’s knee. A vibrator applied to this body-part caused an increase in muscle-tension leading towards the top of her legs, which resulted in climax. Exploit the orgasmic potential of running your hands up and down her legs before and during sex, paying particular attention to the area between the very top of her thighs and the crook of her knee.

Women you should date

Sure, you’ve gone out with 20, 30 women. But we’re willing to wager that you’re actually dating the same woman over and over again. We often return to similar patterns, to familiar personalities and modes of interacting. Not only does dating the same type of woman become boring, it also doesn’t allow you to evolve. But with our roster of classic womanly personalities as a guide, we’ll help you figure out what it is that you’re attracted to, why you may be stuck in that pattern and what you could be missing out on – both romantically and sexually – by not mixing up your playlist.

1. THE URBAN SOPHISTICATE

Her strengths
This woman is funny, hot and spontaneous. When you walk into a room with her, everyone stares at you in envy. Neil Strauss, author of the bestselling dating memoir, The Game, puts it simply: “This is the kind of girl everyone wants and it makes you feel awesome when you’re the one who has her.”

Her weaknesses
“You need enormous confidence to date a woman like this,” says Strauss. “She gets off on attention, but you can’t get jealous.” If you’re independent you will dig her ambition, but make sure she wants you – and not just the ego boost you provide.

Her bedroom persona
She’s uninhibited and nicely groomed. Tell her you like her on top, preferably wearing something expensive that makes her breasts look hot.

2. THE ARTY HIPSTER

Her strengths
She knows where all the dive bars are, and all the art shows with free wine. She’s exciting and stylish, but not as untouchable as the Urban Sophisticate. “She actually likes nerds and intellectuals,” says Ian Coburn, author of God Is a Woman: Dating Disasters. And she actually cares about culture. “[This type of woman] can be great for a guy who wants to learn more about art and music,” says Dr Ian Kerner, a relationship therapist and author of She Comes First.

Her weaknesses
Do you keep going after her because you hope her cool will rub off on you? If your interests don’t match, don’t expect to just coast along on her taste. “Girls like this have opinions,” says Kerner. “And they want you to know the difference between Hunter S Thompson and Emma Thompson.” Better get reading.

Her bedroom persona
The good news: she’s dirty. The bad news: her bed’s not that clean. Tell her that if she changes the sheets before you come over, you’ll take her to see Manu Chao – in Spain.

3. THE VEGAN YOGA GAL

Her strengths
She’s got great skin and a long neck, and she gives you long back rubs with wacky oils. All that deep breathing means she rarely flies off the handle, and you value this perhaps even more than you value her amazing, high, tight rear – which is saying a lot. “This is a woman who really wants to make a deep connection with life, and a man who wants the same could be really into her,” says Strauss. Fisher says that independent, analytical or creative guys could find her alternative view fascinating.

Her weaknesses
“These women are almost exclusively interested in men who are into the same stuff they are,” Strauss notes. Love her, love her lifestyle.

Her bedroom persona
She’s just as Kama Sutra-esque as you were hoping – so no quickies. She likes it slow and soulful.

4. THE ALPHA FEMALE

Her strengths
She has no debt, a law degree and a sports car. She’s hard to keep up with. Ironically, it’s not the alpha dog who should try dating her. “A scientist, artist or teacher will do well with this woman,” says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League. “If you’re not interested in power plays, she won’t fight you.”

Her weaknesses
She has a lot in common with alpha males, but these relationships are too intense. “They can’t make time for each other,” says Fisher. Coburn cautions that “pushover” types are often attracted to such women, and some alpha females are attracted right back. “Obviously, if this is your dynamic, it isn’t good.”

Her bedroom persona
She’s efficient and skilled, but she can be more than sufficiently animal if you help her let her guard down.

5. THE INTIMACY JUNKIE

Her strengths
She goes to yoga, too, but it’s the easy kind that’s more about “connection to the self” than sculpting a smoking bod. So what if she’s a little in your face. The sex is amazing. Strauss likes women like this: “She is the best kisser in the world. Very intense, very into connecting.” Fisher says independent men will love such a deeply verbal gal. Kerner thinks all men should date someone like this. “Most men need help learning to communicate. She will teach them how to.”

Her weaknesses
The intimacy junkie makes you feel great at first. She’s so into you and your feelings. Analytical men will find themselves easily ensnared in her macramé web. “He will be super into her at first, but there’s going to be a lot of talk about the ‘meaning’ of the relationship, which might cause it to implode,” Fisher says.

Her bedroom persona
She’ll do anything, including some things that scare you. The word “harness” comes to mind. Tell her you’ll do it if she gets waxed.

6. THE HAPPY HOMEMAKER

Her strengths
She’s no gold-digger – all she wants is a Volvo station wagon and a nice, cosy three-bedroomed house. She wants to have your kids, take care of them and take care of you. “Some guys draw a great deal of ego satisfaction from providing for a family, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” says Masini. A man who grew up in a very traditional household will love her. So, ironically, will the guy who grew up with domestic chaos because she’ll provide him with the stability he never had.

Her weaknesses
Remember that when she says she’s not going to work, she means it. Career-minded men might be happy with an arrangement that allows them to focus on their work while she manages their domestic life. But if financial stress builds, you may not be able to convince her to get a job.

Her bedroom persona
She’ll be accommodating and eager at first, less so with each offspring. Find a good babysitter so the two of you can steal away.

Break up stats

What is the best way to get over being dumped? Here's the results of online polls at Men's Health and Shape magazines...

Have sex as soon as possible with someone new
Him 35.1%
Her 15.1%

Alcohol
Him 8.5%
Her 10.1%

Exercise
Him 39.6%
Her 38.9%

Therapy
Him 1.9%
Her 9.6%

Work
Him 10.8%
Her 10.1%

Rehash it with your friends until you're sick of it
Him 4.1%
Her 16.1%

Talk her clothes off

The way to a woman’s bedroom is through her ears. That’s because for me and most women I know, chatting about relationships is as much fun as having them. But there are a few difficult conversations that men, try as they might, tend to screw up. That’s about to change. Here is your guide to the six trickiest relationship talks.

THE BIRTH-CONTROL TALK

She asks
“Did you bring a condom?”

You answer
“Why don’t you go on the Pill?”

Why that’s a mistake
You think you’re being honest and direct. She thinks you’re being selfish, and isn’t that just typical. Anger ensues. Sex doesn’t.

What to say instead
“Do you like how sex feels when I’m wearing a condom?” You do have a shot because most women prefer sex au naturel. Take her answer as a jumping off point to share your preferences. She’s not likely to say, “What a great idea. I’ll see my gynaecologist tomorrow.” So be willing to shelve this discussion for a few months – and to try various types of condoms – while she decides whether you’re Pill worthy.

THE ROOM-TO-BREATHE TALK
She says
“I need some space.”

You answer
“Have a nice life.”

Why that’s a mistake
When a woman asks for space, she’s not dumping you. She just wants a few days to herself. Or... she’s testing you to see how invested you are in the relationship. If you bolt, you fail.

What to say instead

“Take as much space as you need.” Chances are she’ll clear her head, miss you, and end up calling within a week.

THE STI TALK
She asks
“How many women have you slept with?”

You answer
“Thirty-six.”

Why that’s a mistake
Uh, hello, she wasn’t really asking how many women you’ve slept with. She was asking if you’ve ever been tested for sexually transmitted infections.But now that you’ve answered truthfully, she’ll be sure to hold it against you.

What to say instead

“I’m not really into keeping score but if you’re worried about STIs, I was tested last month” – or whatever the reality is – “and if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll see my doctor.” Then go. The more proactive you are, the more comfortable she’ll be and the better the sex will be.

Happy hours

Unexpected times she's yours for the taking

WHEN SHE COMES BACK FROM A GIRLS' HOLIDAY
Why she wants it
She hasn't spent all week tanning half-naked on a beach just to admire herself in the bathroom mirror. "Feeling body confident is the first step to wanting to take your clothes off and reveal what's underneath," says Spurr.

What to do

Hands off until the suitcase is unpacked. "Tell her to take a bath and pour her a glass of wine," says Spurr. "Compliment her, let her tease you by taking it slowly and she'll come to you."

24 HOURS AFTER A BRAZILIAN
Why she wants it

We're not talking post-sweaty interlude with Ronaldo the "handyman" here - she's endured the pain of bikini-line stripping because she wants her bald spot to be "suitably" admired by you.

What to do

Go softly. "Skin is more sensitive even a day after waxing," says beauty therapist Kim Broomfield. "This makes it even more responsive to touch." Remove her clothes slowly and kiss her belly, working down to the crease between her leg and upper body. "The skin here is ultra-thin and veins are extremely close to the surface," says Dr Pam Spurr, author of Sensational Sex. "Once you've reached her bikini line, lick her skin to stimulate even more nerve endings.

AFTER HER BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING
Why she wants it

"Weddings highlight any insecurities she has about your commitment to her," says relationship counsellor, Paula Hall. "Sex is the most intimate thing you can do to reassure her, and it releases bonding chemicals too."

What to do

"It's time for heartfelt words," says Hall. "Whisper to her that she's never looked more beautiful when the couple get hitched. The excitement of the event, combined with the secretive nature of the compliment, makes it all the more romantic." As soon as you get home, pull her to you and kiss her passionately. "Tell her to keep her outfit on and make love on the stairs. This kind of spontaneous passion is exactly the affirmation she's after." Just don't get your "spontaneity" all over that pricey frock.

Just teasing

She may be giving you mixed signals. In a poll, 64 percent of women admitted to “sexually teasing” a man. That is, they tried to make him think they would have sex but had no intention of closing the deal at that time. Motives varied, but a theme emerged: if she teases, she’s probably interested in a future encounter.

In the garden

Don’t ignore the possibilities of open-air sex in your garden. All the better if they involve a wheelbarrow or a low workbench – a great place for her to straddle you and pump up and down while you play with her bouncing breasts. Other opportunities include…

1. A hammock or tree house If you have a head for heights.

2. Kiddie pool On a warm day, fill up a kiddie pool and take a dip. Sit on your heels while she lies flat with her head on the opposite edge and raises her hips towards you.

3. Kid’s slide Take off her panties and have her climb the ladder ahead of you. At the top, have her bend over, feet still on a rung, breasts pressed against the slide. You hold tightly to the sides of the ladder. Flip up her skirt and have some slippery fun.

Take her to new heights

Having sex at 30 000 feet is illegal. But if you can't resist joining the mile high club, your best time to try is either straight after take-off, or 15 minutes into the film - when the least passengers will be milling around. Get seats at the back and then have her head for the bathroom. Wait two minutes then follow her. "Once you are in, place her hands on the wall as if you are going to frisk her. Pull her hips back and enter her," says R Don Steele, author of Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship and Dating. To get away, you should feign illness, while she does sick-bag duty. Genius.

Elevate your sex drive

"People often make lift fantasies come true in hotels," says Patricia Love, author of Hot Monogamy. One of you needs to keep your thumb on the "doors close" button. Hit stop when you are between floors. You'll have about three minutes before people start prying. For a truly private session find a goods lift - they won't have a camera.

Float her boat

Grab your lilo and head for the sea. Aim for the sunset - not only is it romantic, but there will be fewer prying eyes on the shore. "You can play under the surface, which adds tension," says clinical sexologist Gloria Brame. Have her lie on her front across the middle of the lilo and take her from behind. Bring some silicone-based lube that won't wash off in your exploits.

Get more oral sex

If she doesn’t enjoy giving you oral sex, it is possibly because she dislikes the look and taste of semen or is afraid that your penis will stimulate her gag reflex, explains Dr David Delvin, sex therapist and author of "The Good Sex Guide."

Strategy
Pushing her head down during lovemaking isn’t going to solve the problem. Nor is making a big hoo-ha about the whole thing. Talk through any misconceptions she might have. Many women are unfamiliar with a man’s penis and its day-to-day rhythms; let her make friends with the big fella when he’s resting. Walk around naked or let her see you in the shower, not just when he wants to come out to play.

Reward
She won’t fall pregnant.

Special tip
If she does make the trip down under, make sure you reward her efforts with appreciative moans.

Her sex fantasies

It may be easy for you to come up with a different fantasy for every day of the week, but she may be having more difficulty stocking up her erotic library. Dr Andrew Stanway, clinician and author of "The Joy of Sexual Fantasy", says that many people – especially women – experience guilt about their sexual fantasies.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t have them; it just means that their imaginations sanitise and package them in a way that is more acceptable to them.

So what do high-guilt women fantasise about? Being dominated by a man who finds them irresistible, explains Stanway. Their fantasies tend to involve faceless lovers and are generally less vivid than women whose sex-guilt levels are lower.

Strategy
Let her read the sexual fantasies of other women. Try "What Turns Us On" by Iris and Steven Finz; "Women On Top by Nancy Friday" or "Sex Fantasies By Women For Women by" Lisa Sussman.

Reward
Fantasy is a great sex aid. Perhaps she imagines a good spanking or a threesome... whatever gets her going works towards her arousal during foreplay and penetration, explains Stanway.

Special tip
Nancy Friday, the author of a variety of books on fantasy – both male and female – advises against asking her directly whether she has fantasies, as all you’re likely to hear is “I don’t know” or “no”. Rather make a more general comment, such as: “Apparently women tend to fantasise that the men they’re having sex with are faceless.” Then ask whether she agrees with this. You’ve now opened up a discussion.

Help her love her body

“Tons of women have body-image issues,” says Dr Claire Rockliffe-Fidler, a psychosexual therapist in private practice in Cape Town. And the media is largely to blame. Check out any movie, magazine or newspaper: they’re dripping with drop-dead gorgeous women. We all know those pictures are the result of clever lighting, photo retouching and other tricks of the trade, but on a subliminal level many women feel they don’t match up. As a result, they feel inhibited to shed their clothes and abuse your body the way you like it.

Strategy
Make her feel good about herself so she’s able to relax into intimacy, says Rockliffe-Fidler. That’s not just about telling her she looks good. It’s also about showing her that you’re attracted to her (and not just during sex). Try a well-timed wolf whistle when she enters the room or maintain eye contact during a conversation while you smooth a strand of hair behind her ear.

Reward
If she’s comfortable in her skin, she won’t have to suck in her tummy when she’s on top or cringe when you do it doggie-style.

Special tip
If she’s too self-conscious naked, do it with some of her clothes on. It’s wildly sexy to push her skirt just high enough or fondle her breasts while she keeps her bra on.

So, where'd you meet?

Fantasy and reality don't always jibe when it comes to finding our one true love. A poll asked men and women what they consider the best ways to meet a mate. Then the poll asked couples how they actually met. The answers mostly coincide, especially in the top spot: meeting through friends. But the reality of other meeting places, notably work, isn't so romantic.

Musical pairs

Studies of men and women revealed how music taste can affect their sex life. Here's the percentage chance that fans of the following music genres have had five or more sexual partners within the past five years: 38% Hip hop, 25% Indie/rock, 14% Jazz,4% Classic, and 2% Country.

Sweet surrender

Ah, chocolate – the wench’s favourite. Unenlightened men can be forgiven for believing it’s the scourge of women who prize it second only to shoes. But this ignores the fact that chocolate benefits your sex life. Yup, a Bar One a day etc…

How it works
Chocolate contains three magic substances: caffeine, theobromine and phenylethylamine. Caffeine stimulates the senses, theobromine elevates mood, while phenylethylamine triggers the release of endorphins. And it’s worth indulging your lady her favourite treat, too. Urologists from San Raffaele hospital, Milan, found, “Women who have a daily intake of chocolate showed higher levels of desire than others.” Stop moaning, just buy her a bloody Dairy Milk.

Seduction skills

We surveyed hundreds of women to come up with a map of their most sensual trigger zones. Use it to drive her wild.

FAN THE FIRE
“Breathe on her clitoris in short, fast spurts,” says Dr Yvonne Fulbright, author ofTouch Me There! “It feels like an air vibrator.”

HIT THE RIGHT TUNE
“Cover your teeth with your lips and hum while you gently nibble her ear,” says Fulbright. “The vibrations intensify the situation.”

TRACE A PATH
Lick her in long strokes from the inside of her knee to the top of her thigh, stopping just short of the hot zone. Then kiss her lightly up the same path. “The anticipation of having you move even higher is such a turn-on,” says Britton. “Telegraphing your move beforehand heightens anticipation.”

DOUBLE HER PLEASURE
Kiss her collarbone, starting at her left shoulder, and working your way in. Mimic the movement with your fingertips on her right shoulder. “The two sensations will heighten her arousal,” says Fulbright.

Turn-on tactics

First rule? Slow down. Women want the lip-lock to last twice as long as you do, according to a Men’s Health online poll. Maximise your extended play time by pinpointing her five pleasure points. Here's our guide to her secret sex spots


HER LIPS
The move: Target the philtrum, the central ridge of her upper lip and an area the ancient Greeks called the most erogenous zone on the body. Two major cranial nerves are close to the surface here, says oral surgeon Dr Cameron Clokie. Gently nibble this pouty point to release oxytocin, the same hormone unleashed during her orgasm, says Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University.

HER JAW
The move: A slow circuit around her neck and jawline pumps up her pleasure. One twist: hum softly as you plant kisses along her jaw. You’ll send a chorus of euphoric vibrations along the bone and into her inner ear. This audio-erotic move also stimulates the skin’s Pacinian corpuscles, which release calming endorphins, says Thomas Swift, president of the American Academy of Neurology.

HER TONGUE
The move: Tongue helicopters are for school kids. Help her leave the launch pad by teasing the nerve-dense tip of her tongue. Nerves there release the arousal-inducing neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, says Clokie. Vary your lingual caresses with light, lips-only clenches of her tongue tip.

HER NECK
The move: Massaging her hairline at the nape, moving from her hair to her bare neck, doubles her pleasure. You’re stroking the junction of two different tissue types, says Clokie. Working this border region sets off two separate sensations that meld into a single, mind-blowing message to her brain: more.

HER CLAVICLE
The move: Kissing her collarbone is a classic move. But most guys focus on the outer regions and miss the passion-laced centre. “The densest nerve region is where her clavicle connects to her sternum,” says Swift. Slowly kiss your way to this nerve centre to produce a progressive passion build-up.

Seduction schedule

These five missions will push your sex life – and your relationship – to new heights. Whip out your pen and start crossing them off your to-do list

1. INVENT YOUR OWN MOVE
“Improvising new sex positions shows that you’re secure enough with each other to experiment,” says Susan Crain Bakos, author of The Orgasm Bible. You’ll both feel like sexual pioneers, creating self-confidence that will liberate your libidos.

Your assignment
Tweak your old favourites. If you both enjoy rear entry, try standing on the floor while she leans on the bed. If missionary is a standby, shift so your torso is above her head. From there, add variations until you find a move that peaks arousal for both of you.

2. DESIGNATE A NEW "HUMP DAY"
Carving out a day of erotic activity can stoke your woman’s fires. “People complain about ‘planning’ sex, but reserving this time will build anticipation all month,” says relationship therapist Michele Weiner-Davis.

Your assignment
Set aside one weekend day a month to lavish attention on each other. Take a bath together, give massages or play one-on-one strip poker.

3. MAKE A RESERVATION FOR SEX
“When you’re mired in a major life event like buying a house or even planning a vacation, the stress can do your sex life in,” says Dr Debbie Herbenick, researcher for the Kinsey Institute.

Your assignment
Tell her what you’re going to do after you carry her over the threshold of the new house or detail your intentions for the outdoor shower after your day at the beach. It’ll plant some passion packed seeds for later.

4. TAKE A SEX BREAK
Sex can be stale when it’s an assembly-line process – tab A, slot B, repeat. “You need to rebuild the sexual tension,” says Weiner-Davis.

Your assignment
Plan a sex free week (no oral action or wandering hands). After seven agonising days, both of your libidos will be through the roof. When naked time returns, extend foreplay to ramp up the excitement.

5. SQUEEZE IN A QUICKIE AT A PARTY
Sneaking away from a public gathering for your own 20-minute private party can jolt a stagnant sex life, says Dr Gloria Brame, author of Different Loving. And, even better, reminiscing about that stolen tryst can spark desire even years later.

Your assignment
At the next cocktail party, grab your girl’s hand and lead her to a secluded spot outside or even to your car. Since dryness can be a problem with on-the-fly nooky, start the fun by going down on her first.

Together forever

Think ruts are bad for relationships? Sharing brunch every Sunday can strengthen a couple’s bond. Researchers found that partners who share regular rituals were more satisfied in their relationships than those who didn’t schedule down time together. Repeated behaviours reinforce the uniqueness of a couple, providing a sense of belonging.

Express sex

You don’t need to last for hours to please her. Just eight minutes of sex is enough. Past that point, a woman may feel inadequate because she thinks she can’t make you climax, which decreases her enjoyment.

Read her mind

Find out if she fancies you with these tips from sex expert Tracey Cox.

Mirroring
This is what distinguishes a good flirt from a great flirt: nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone’s behaviour. This makes her feel you’re on the same level as her.

The eyebrow flash
When we first see someone we fancy, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they’re attracted too, they raise their eyebrows in return. Never noticed? The whole thing lasts a fifth of a second.

Pointing
We tend to point towards the person we’re interested in.
If we find someone attractive, we’ll show it with our arms, feet, legs and even our toes.

Blinking
If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blink rate. Increase her blink rate by blinking more yourself, and if she likes you, she’ll match it to keep in sync.

Lean love

Women prefer muscle tone over muscle mass, according to studies. When women evaluated photos of shirtless men, they ranked athletic-looking bodies (lean and defined) as more desirable than both muscular and skinny types. Women perceive men with big muscles as threatening and also know that it takes time to build all that beef – time you might not spend with them.