Too much porn

Think before you click: watching porn online can lead to less sex in real life. A recent study in the Journal of Sex Research found that one in 10 men who watch sex on the Net become less interested in the real thing. And the more they watch, the less they have real sex. One reason? They prefer the body in the video to the one in their bed. Men are more likely to watch porn alone, says study author Dr Julie Albright, of the University of Southern California. So suggest that your partner pull up a chair. Forty-one percent of women have checked out online porn, and more than half of those women say it makes them feel experimental.

What she expects

In our exclusive poll, 38 percent of women said 10 to 20 minutes of intercourse is all they desire. Keep the Kama Sutra on the shelf: 66 percent want to keep the positioning fairly tame at first. Have her lie back with her knees slightly bent and place pillows under her hips, torso and head. That’ll allow you to kneel between her legs and enter her as you simultaneously stroke her clitoris with your hand. Patti Taylor.

Woman explained

1. Women are more likely to achieve their ideal body aesthetic when they’re single. Constancy breeds complacency.

2. We are obsessed with breasts. If it was an option, all women would trade theirs in for a more replete and resplendent model.

3. We’ve all devoted at least one of our masturbatory fantasies to Mick Jagger.

4. A woman is more likely to go foraging through her partner’s cellphone the week before her period starts.

5. When a man intimates that we stop spending Sunday afternoons a) out wining and dining, or b) in the boudoir, and starts nudging us towards furniture shopping, he is signalling the end of the relationship.

6. Most women would prefer to be remembered posthumously as being great in bed rather than having a great mind.

7. We do not find lavatorial humour as funny as you do.

8. Many of us wish we had not nailed our colours to the feminist cause – it’s just another institution that tells us what to do and monitors our sexual exploits.

Multiple orgasms, one explanation

According to various scientific estimates, between 14 and 43 percent of women have experienced multiple orgasms, and according to the authors of Understanding
Human Sexuality, even non-porn stars can achieve up to 20 in a row. But an online review of the research surrounding multiple orgasms suggests that for most women, the maximum number of times you can rock their boat will be seven, at which point you’ll very much be rubbing them up the wrong way. Want to experience it yourself? Research over the last 40 years suggests that the best way to set your own orgasm on repeat play is to practise avoiding ejaculation – in other words, controlling yourself with your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. These muscles can be built up by tensing them when you pee, stopping and starting your flow of urine. One study found a man capable of six ejaculations within 36 minutes – though if he did that in a lab with docs watching, chances are he’s not so much a lothario as a freak of nature.

Woo her with words

Words, wielded wisely, can be a powerful instrument of seduction. The key? Make it subtle. Consider the five make-or-break romantic situations below.

THE SITUATION
You’re asking her out for the first time.

DON’T SAY
“Want to go out to dinner on Friday night?”

TRY
“Want to go out for Thai food on Friday night?”

WHY IT WORKS
“You’re creating an experience she can visualise,” says Eve Marx, author of Flirtspeak. Unlike a blank proposal, it engages and puts her in the moment; she’ll see you two sharing Thai.


THE SITUATION
Your entrées have arrived; you’d like to offer her a piece of your meat.

DON’T SAY
“Want some fillet?”

TRY
“Want a taste of my fillet?”

WHY IT WORKS
“Taste” is sexy, says Marx. “She could be thinking how you might taste each other later.” Other triggers: “bite”, “juicy” and “tender”. And never offer her a spoonful of ice cream, only a lick.


THE SITUATION
You want her to go home with you.

DON’T SAY
“Let’s go back to my place.”

TRY
“Let’s go back to my place, because I have a great view.”

WHY IT WORKS
The magic word: “because”. “People comply 66 percent more often when they hear a phrase with ‘because’ in it,” says Kevin Hogan, author of Irresistible Attraction.


THE SITUATION
You want to move your make-out session to the bedroom.

DON’T SAY
“I really want to make love to you.”

TRY
“Can you imagine how great it’d feel if we made love?”

WHY IT WORKS
Reframing your desire as a question forces her to think about it, says Hogan. The sensory word “imagine” reinforces the visual picture. If what she sees doesn’t repulse her, you’re in.


THE SITUATION
It’s three months later and you want to add more spice to your sex life.

DON’T SAY
“Are you into bondage?”

TRY
“Could we try tying each other up?”

WHY IT WORKS
“Terms like ‘try’ and ‘maybe’ give the woman a chance to say yes without feeling pressured,” says communications professor at Texas Tech University, Dr Narissra Carter.

How to be tough and sensitive

Women love a man with a sensitive side. But how do you retain a hard exterior while showing off your soft centre? We reveal all.

Rule 1. HIDE ANY ARROGANCE
If you make yourself the focus of every story you tell, you know what we'll think? That you're insecure and desperate, and have something to prove. We like self-deprecation - a man who can laugh at himself.

Here's how
Everyone loves to bond about how sad they were in school - it proves that you can laugh at yourself while subtly conveying that you've become a whole lot cooler. Win her over by showing her your gawky 1995 student card photo. Be careful not to overdo it, lest you fail the next step.


Rule 2. SMILE THROUGH THE PAIN
No matter what the topic, moaning is seriously unsexy (unless it's the kind that occurs between the sheets).

Here's how
If you can't get served at a bar, for example, don't complain about the service - laugh it off and ask her to try instead. And your problem at work? We don't care: this is our fun time.

Rule 3. TREAT HER LIKE A MATE
Nice guys hate to offend, so they add "just kidding" after every piss-taking comment. It smacks of insecurity - you don't have to be so eager to please.

Here's how
Poke fun at her girlie drink, her tumbleweed-blower of a joke - the way you made fun of the girls you really liked when you were at school.


Rule 4. FOCUS ON HER CHARACTER
She's heard enough men tell her she has beautiful eyes and will assume you're just trying to get in her pants. But if you're genuinely listening to her (you are, right?) and observe something about her inner person, it will get you far, because it's rare.

Here's how
People are always interested in a near-stranger's assessment of their character. If she makes you laugh, tell her she's funny. If she says something sweet, tell her she's kind.


Rule 5. BUY HER A DRINK...
...but let her buy the next. It will help to make you seem less of a pick-up artist and more of an equal.

Here's how
We think you know how to say, "Yes thanks, I'll have a beer". Let her do a little of the work so she'll relax into being seduced. If you insist on paying all night, she'll see you as an old fashioned control freak.


Rule 6. MAKE HER LAUGH
Sharing a joke makes her feel you are "connecting" and is a far better indicator that she'll go home with you than sharing a kiss.

Here's how
Be witty and irreverent - no knock-knock jokes. A cloak of humour can disguise your intentions: jokily ask if she'd like to come up and see your etchings. After all, many a true word is spoken in jest.

Decode her diggs

Investigate her home to decide if she’s right for you

1. IS SHE GOING TO BE CLINGY?
Look for pairs of anything

Two nightstands, a bedside lamp on each side of the bed, pairs of candles… “If you see pairs – and lots of them – run for the door if you don’t want a relationship,” says sexologist and author Yvonne Fulbright. “Consciously or not, she’s displaying the belief that creating balance in the bedroom invites love into your life.” Look to escape.

2. WILL SHE BE HIGH MAINTENANCE?
Look at her photos

Check out her party snaps. If she’s always front and centre, you’ve got a high-maintenance attention-seeker. “But if you see lots of photos of animals, she’s channeling a maternal instinct,” says New York psychologist Dr Gary Aumiller. Great if you have an Oedipal complex.

3. WILL SHE BE EASY TO TALK TO?
Look at her furniture

A cluttered room suggests an open book, she’ll spill her guts to you. “But a more private person will have backs of chairs facing doors, and confined traffic patterns,” says design psychologist Dr Constance Forrest. Otherwise, use wine to get her to talk.

4. IS SHE GOING TO BE CONTROLLING?
Look at her bookshelf

Are her books alphabetized by subject? By author? “A personalized Dewey Decimal system can mean neuroticism,” says Aumiller. “But general orderliness indicates someone who’s responsible.” Cluttered shelves are a sign she’s a free thinker. Or her cleaner’s away.

Sex on the beach

The beach offers maximum opportunity – how long does it take to remove a bikini? – but it does come with risks. During the hottest parts of the day, areas of your skin not usually exposed to the sun can burn in the time it takes to do the deed. And pay attention to the wind. If it’s blowing sand into your face, imagine how it will feel on your sensitive bits. Your moan of pleasure might also be silenced by a mouthful of sand.

Hook her interest

Passion is contagious. Expose your woman to new things, and she’ll experience new things about herself. Best part, she’ll pair you mentally with adventurous behaviour, and will want more of you.

Risky business

“Risky behaviour of all kinds boosts arousal” says Alan Booth, professor of Sociology and Human Development at Penn State University. Even better, “Women who participate in physical activity are more easily aroused, have a stronger libido and have an improved ability to reach climax,” says Cedric Bryant, professor and chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. And if you can’t keep her on her toes, you’ll pay dearly. How? Boring sex, if any.

Train your tongue

You’ve brought her to a dribbling frenzy with your dexterous hands. Now it’s time to lick her lips. First practice on your intimate friend the plum, which will have split by now if you’ve been practicing your hand-massage technique. Take the plum and press your tongue against the split. Put the thick, middle part of your tongue on the base of the split and slowly sweep upwards. Try pressing and stroking the split with different pressures and speeds. When it comes to the real thing, her moans will be a sure indication of what sends her rocketing. The tongue is an amazing muscle, so use it to full capacity. After a few, long strokes that gently massage her whole vulva, add a tongue-tip flick at the upper end of the labial split.

The combination of stimulation on her inner lips and the erotic tickle of the tip of your tongue on her clitoris will send her into an extreme pleasure spin. To really put your tongue through its paces, practise on the plum a little more. Lick the inside of the split, using your tongue to try and access the stone. If you get to it, try to extract it. This exercise works your tongue muscles, increasing your power and stamina for cunnilingus. You don’t want your tongue to wimper and die at the crucial moment.

Touch, tap and blow

Touching her clitoris is often not enough. Some women also love a light genital tapping, which encourages blood flow to the skin’s surface and charges the nerve endings. Also try placing your thumb and forefinger around the clitoral hood, gently pinching the clitoris and rolling it between your fingers. Now pull the hood up, exposing the clitoris, and blow gently on it. Then, with the lightest touch, use a lubricated fingertip to stroke it in different directions to see what she likes best – try side to side, upwards, downwards or circles.

Give her the best sex

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