Sure, you’ve gone out with 20, 30 women. But we’re willing to wager that you’re actually dating the same woman over and over again. We often return to similar patterns, to familiar personalities and modes of interacting. Not only does dating the same type of woman become boring, it also doesn’t allow you to evolve. But with our roster of classic womanly personalities as a guide, we’ll help you figure out what it is that you’re attracted to, why you may be stuck in that pattern and what you could be missing out on – both romantically and sexually – by not mixing up your playlist.
1. THE URBAN SOPHISTICATE
Her strengths
This woman is funny, hot and spontaneous. When you walk into a room with her, everyone stares at you in envy. Neil Strauss, author of the bestselling dating memoir, The Game, puts it simply: “This is the kind of girl everyone wants and it makes you feel awesome when you’re the one who has her.”
Her weaknesses
“You need enormous confidence to date a woman like this,” says Strauss. “She gets off on attention, but you can’t get jealous.” If you’re independent you will dig her ambition, but make sure she wants you – and not just the ego boost you provide.
Her bedroom persona
She’s uninhibited and nicely groomed. Tell her you like her on top, preferably wearing something expensive that makes her breasts look hot.
2. THE ARTY HIPSTER
Her strengths
She knows where all the dive bars are, and all the art shows with free wine. She’s exciting and stylish, but not as untouchable as the Urban Sophisticate. “She actually likes nerds and intellectuals,” says Ian Coburn, author of God Is a Woman: Dating Disasters. And she actually cares about culture. “[This type of woman] can be great for a guy who wants to learn more about art and music,” says Dr Ian Kerner, a relationship therapist and author of She Comes First.
Her weaknesses
Do you keep going after her because you hope her cool will rub off on you? If your interests don’t match, don’t expect to just coast along on her taste. “Girls like this have opinions,” says Kerner. “And they want you to know the difference between Hunter S Thompson and Emma Thompson.” Better get reading.
Her bedroom persona
The good news: she’s dirty. The bad news: her bed’s not that clean. Tell her that if she changes the sheets before you come over, you’ll take her to see Manu Chao – in Spain.
3. THE VEGAN YOGA GAL
Her strengths
She’s got great skin and a long neck, and she gives you long back rubs with wacky oils. All that deep breathing means she rarely flies off the handle, and you value this perhaps even more than you value her amazing, high, tight rear – which is saying a lot. “This is a woman who really wants to make a deep connection with life, and a man who wants the same could be really into her,” says Strauss. Fisher says that independent, analytical or creative guys could find her alternative view fascinating.
Her weaknesses
“These women are almost exclusively interested in men who are into the same stuff they are,” Strauss notes. Love her, love her lifestyle.
Her bedroom persona
She’s just as Kama Sutra-esque as you were hoping – so no quickies. She likes it slow and soulful.
4. THE ALPHA FEMALE
Her strengths
She has no debt, a law degree and a sports car. She’s hard to keep up with. Ironically, it’s not the alpha dog who should try dating her. “A scientist, artist or teacher will do well with this woman,” says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League. “If you’re not interested in power plays, she won’t fight you.”
Her weaknesses
She has a lot in common with alpha males, but these relationships are too intense. “They can’t make time for each other,” says Fisher. Coburn cautions that “pushover” types are often attracted to such women, and some alpha females are attracted right back. “Obviously, if this is your dynamic, it isn’t good.”
Her bedroom persona
She’s efficient and skilled, but she can be more than sufficiently animal if you help her let her guard down.
5. THE INTIMACY JUNKIE
Her strengths
She goes to yoga, too, but it’s the easy kind that’s more about “connection to the self” than sculpting a smoking bod. So what if she’s a little in your face. The sex is amazing. Strauss likes women like this: “She is the best kisser in the world. Very intense, very into connecting.” Fisher says independent men will love such a deeply verbal gal. Kerner thinks all men should date someone like this. “Most men need help learning to communicate. She will teach them how to.”
Her weaknesses
The intimacy junkie makes you feel great at first. She’s so into you and your feelings. Analytical men will find themselves easily ensnared in her macramé web. “He will be super into her at first, but there’s going to be a lot of talk about the ‘meaning’ of the relationship, which might cause it to implode,” Fisher says.
Her bedroom persona
She’ll do anything, including some things that scare you. The word “harness” comes to mind. Tell her you’ll do it if she gets waxed.
6. THE HAPPY HOMEMAKER
Her strengths
She’s no gold-digger – all she wants is a Volvo station wagon and a nice, cosy three-bedroomed house. She wants to have your kids, take care of them and take care of you. “Some guys draw a great deal of ego satisfaction from providing for a family, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” says Masini. A man who grew up in a very traditional household will love her. So, ironically, will the guy who grew up with domestic chaos because she’ll provide him with the stability he never had.
Her weaknesses
Remember that when she says she’s not going to work, she means it. Career-minded men might be happy with an arrangement that allows them to focus on their work while she manages their domestic life. But if financial stress builds, you may not be able to convince her to get a job.
Her bedroom persona
She’ll be accommodating and eager at first, less so with each offspring. Find a good babysitter so the two of you can steal away.
