Pickup lines that work

One hundred women told us would work on them. Say the right words and reap the benefits

1. THE SEXY SECRETARY

“Your picture on the company website is disgusting.”

Marcia said: “That was the first thing my now-boyfriend said to me. He then immediately followed it up with ‘you’re a beautiful, sexy woman and it doesn’t do you justice’. The old ‘insult you then say a nice thing’ trick hardly ever fails. It’s surprising, it’s naughty and it implies he thinks you’re cool enough to be offended. Just don’t get the order the wrong way round, unless you’re after a slap.”

2. THE SEXY FRIEND

“I don’t want to sleep with you.”

Isobel said: “When it’s followed up with ‘I’d just like to hang out with you’, this works wonders. She’ll ask herself why you don’t want to sleep with her. All her insecurities run through her mind: is her bum too big? Her nose a little skew? Sure as can be, she will want to sleep with you just to prove to herself that she’s worth it.”

3. THE BLIND DATE

“I think you’re secretly a little mischievous.”

Katherine said: “You can’t go wrong with a good honest compliment. But never too superficial. Never talk about her figure, that’s slightly creepy. Face, clothes or hair is good. Or maybe a little curveball like ‘I think you’re secretly a little mischievous’ is unexpected, makes me feel special and has just the right element of ‘I think you would be great in bed’ in it.”

4. GIRL AT THE BAR

“If I followed you home, would you keep me?”

Lisa said: “Some slurring oaf with a half-eaten kebab for a shirt saying you’re the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on just makes you feel depressed. Even though ‘If I followed you home, would you keep me?’ is a little cheesy, that kind of spontaneous sense of humour can be the biggest aphrodisiac for a lot of single woman. It shows he’s confident and not afraid of making a fool of himself.”

5. LONG-TERM GIRLFRIEND

“I can’t wait to get you home.”

Ella said: “Whispered in the ear, this has the effect of saying to her: ‘Do you know how hard I’m finding it to concentrate without thinking of you naked, or what underwear you are, or aren’t wearing.’ And that makes you feel like the sexiest creature alive, which is hot. Of course, it’s a risky tactic on the first date.”

How much are you getting?

How many times a year do you have sex? Here's how much the rest of world is doing it:

ROMANIA: 232
KOREA: 228
GREECE: 224
CZECH REPUBLIC: 222
PORTUGAL: 222
BRAZIL: 219
PHILIPPINES: 217
ITALY: 198
RUSSIA: 193
HUNGARY: 188
UNITED KINGDOM: 182
INDONESIA: 177
SOUTH AFRICA: 176
POLAND: 175
MEXICO: 174
NETHERLANDS: 168
UNITED STATES: 161
SPAIN: 159
GERMANY: 148

Ultimate seduction playlist

Play these albums and get down to some dirty dancing:

FIRST-TIME SEX

The scenario: This is finally happening!
Play: Your first-date soundtrack.
The reason: Familiarity is relaxing. In a study from Long Island Conservatory, participants who listened to familiar music that they enjoyed had lower anxiety levels and blood pressure than those who listened to music they didn’t like. “The emotional response triggers a profound physiological response,” says George Stefano, lead author of the study. “It’s a feel-good system that allows us to relax.”

QUICKIE SEX

The scenario: She’s purring and your favourite show is coming to a commercial break.
Play: Up-tempo indie rock like The Killers or Arctic Monkeys.
The reason: Press play to speed up her body’s physiological response. Italian researchers found subjects’ ventilation, heart rate and arousal levels increased when they were exposed to music with a quick tempo and simple rhythmic structure.
Bonus: you burn 146kJ in 20 minutes of sex.

EXPERIMENTAL SEX

The scenario: There’s a gleam in her eye - and cuffs in her room.
Play: Punk or hard rock like Green Day or The New Pornographers.
The reason: In a study of varsity students, those looking for physical stimulation and an adrenaline high listened to more punk and hard metal. “People who are sexually promiscuous are more likely to engage in sensation seeking,” says Dr Rob Weisskirchm, an associate professor of human development at California State University.

CASUAL SEX

The scenario: You’ve known her for two beers and the drive home.
Play: Suggestive hip hop and pop like the Black Eyed Peas or Outkast.
The reason: In one study, women who listened to sexually provocative lyrics placed an emphasis on the sex appeal of potential partners. “They had been ‘primed’ to think about sexuality and were more likely to view everything from that perspective,” says Dr Silvia Knobloch-Westerwick, the lead researcher.

Meet Miss Right today

1. Strike up conversations with 10 strangers a day.
You’ll build up immunity to rejection and practise ice-breakers and snappy responses. So when a woman comes into range, muscle memory will kick in, says dating coach Nancy Slotnick.

2. Carry a neighbour’s shopping bags.
This much we know is true: women have friends. We also know that women like to fix people up. Show that you’re a good guy, and you’ll soon start collecting numbers, says psychotherapist Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips and Secrets For Finding Romance.

3. Pretend you’ve already been introduced.
Your mindset will shift from hunting to having a casual conversation and, most importantly, she won’t see you as yet another guy hitting on her, says dating coach Evan Katz.

4. Get out of the office. On nice days, women eat lunch outside, Wolf says. Remember to turn off your cellphone and ditch the shades.

5. Don’t interrogate. She doesn’t know you, so questions are intrusive and make her feel like she’s being evaluated. You want to engage rather than gather information, so share first – “I’m the youngest of three, how about you?” – and she’ll respond comfortably, Wolf says.

Sex toys

1. ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH
Buy one just for this purpose: cover it with a sheet, turn it on and gently run the vibrating head against her inner thighs, labia and clitoris, says sex columnist Dina Al-Sabah.

2. “I RUB MY DUCKIE”
(R350, www.kalahari.net) This vibrating bath duck is good for a laugh as well as some good, clean-yet-dirty fun.

3. CELLPHONE
Send well-timed, romantic text messages to your love interest. Once you’re dating, your texts can grow a little more… interesting.

4. EXERCISE BIKE
Breaking a sweat together before you really break a sweat together can put you both in the mood.

Smooth talker

Cheesy one-liners don’t work here are five answers to improve your talent for talk

1. THE SEXY SECRETARY
“Your picture on the company website is disgusting.”

Marcia said: “That was the first thing my now-boyfriend said to me. He then immediately followed it up with ‘you’re a beautiful, sexy woman and it doesn’t do you justice’. The old ‘insult you then say a nice thing’ trick hardly ever fails. It’s surprising, it’s naughty and it implies he thinks you’re cool enough to be offended. Just don’t get the order the wrong way round, unless you’re after a slap.”


2. THE SEXY FRIEND
“I don’t want to sleep with you.”

Isobel said: “When it’s followed up with ‘I’d just like to hang out with you’, this works wonders. She’ll ask herself why you don’t want to sleep with her. All her insecurities run through her mind: is her bum too big? Her nose a little skew? Sure as can be, she will want to sleep with you just to prove to herself that she’s worth it.”


3. THE BLIND DATE
“I think you’re secretly a little mischievous.”

Katherine said: “You can’t go wrong with a good honest compliment. But never too superficial. Never talk about her figure, that’s slightly creepy. Face, clothes or hair is good. Or maybe a little curveball like ‘I think you’re secretly a little mischievous’ is unexpected, makes me feel special and has just the right element of ‘I think you would be great in bed’ in it.”


4. GIRL AT THE BAR
“If I followed you home, would you keep me?”

Lisa said: “Some slurring oaf with a half-eaten kebab for a shirt saying you’re the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on just makes you feel depressed. Even though ‘If I followed you home, would you keep me?’ is a little cheesy, that kind of spontaneous sense of humour can be the biggest aphrodisiac for a lot of single woman. It shows he’s confident and not afraid of making a fool of himself.”


5. LONG-TERM GIRLFRIEND
“I can’t wait to get you home.”

Ella said: “Whispered in the ear, this has the effect of saying to her: ‘Do you know how hard I’m finding it to concentrate without thinking of you naked, or what underwear you are, or aren’t wearing.’ And that makes you feel like the sexiest creature alive, which is hot. Of course, it’s a risky tactic on the first date.”

Defuse an explosive woman

1. Use body language. Touch her, lean forwards and maintain eye contact to show you’re involved.

2. Don’t ask “why” questions. “This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode,” says Dr Carol Ritberger. Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in “how” or “when” you can solve the problem.

3. “Don’t assume she’s basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions,” says counsellor Paula Hall. “They may just be charged with stress. And if you reckon they are based on emotion, don’t tell her.”

4. Don’t complain. “Countering her bickering with your complaints won’t work,” says psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford. “If you’re fighting to be heard, someone’s bound to lose.” It might well be you.

5. Don’t interrupt when she is talking. Actively listen to whether she uses kinaesthetic (“I feel”), auditory (“I hear”), visual (“I see”) or cognitive (“I think”) terms – and respond in her language. She’ll hear what it is you have to say more clearly.

Your new sex life?

Moving in together is the beginning of having a fabulous sex life – anywhere, any time. Living together shows a commitment to the relationship and this will help – especially her – to build closeness and connection. And being closer can only help turn your sex life from good to great. Just don’t take each other for granted now that you’re living under the same roof. Make sure you keep things adventurous in the bedroom – keep things special and you won’t fall into a rut.

Speak up for change

If you want your partner to change her behaviour, be clear and reasonable, not goofy or mushy. Researchers in New Zealand who videotaped 61 couples found that straightforward communication is more likely to lead to long-term results. A direct approach may seem to backfire at first, but works in the long run. Being indirect (using humour, for instance) can downplay your feelings. “Relying on the soft approach will leave your girlfriend unaware of the nature and severity of the problem,” says study author Dr Nickola Overall, of the University of Auckland.

What her past says

What was your wife like back at university? Women who have low intimacy levels at varsity may be more likely to divorce later in life, according to a study in Personal Relationships. When researchers at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst tracked down 167 people who had taken a psychological test 34 years earlier, they found the correlation – but only among women. Women tend to take a more active role than men in maintaining and working at a couple’s closeness, so a relationship in which the woman shows less intimacy may be more likely to falter, says study author Dr Mark Weinberger.

Avoid a lethal love spat

Unfortunately hot make up sex won’t fix this: one-sided arguments can harm your heart, according to a new University of Utah study. After 150 healthy couples discussed a contentious topic for six minutes, researchers performed CT scans and discovered that the men who had tried to dominate the argument had significant (and lasting) hardening of their coronary arteries. The result wasn’t any better when the women flexed their power: the men on the receiving end also experienced stiffened arteries. A seriously unbalanced argument can initiate a damaging stress response in a man’s body, says lead study author, Dr Tim Smith.

Men are wonderful

Next time a woman tells you that men are slime, refute her claim by citing new research found that men are more likely than women to put their partners’ happiness ahead of their own. This unremarkable conclusion came after a survey of altruistic tendencies among 1 300 men and women. True, the study found that women are more altruistic and empathetic in virtually all other areas of life, but that’s not the subject here. “Women are more empathetic toward abstract humanity – ‘strangers’ or ‘poor people’,” says study author Dr Tom Smith, “while men’s altruism is more focused on their intimate others.” Another finding: people who put the welfare of significant others ahead of their own were 17 percent more likely to describe themselves as happy in their marriages.

Is she's holding out?

You meet. She flirts. She touches your arm. You're totally in, right? Maybe not. A woman tends to flirt while she's deciding whether or not she likes you. Her flirting isn't a tease, it's an evolution-driven effort to find out as much as possible about you before she shares her true intentions.

The caffeine effect

Invite her up for coffee – maybe she’ll stick around. Scientists found that female rats on a caffeine buzz come back for more sex much more readily than their caffeine-free friends. Pharmacology, Biochemistry, and Behaviour reports that female rats injected with caffeine before mating came back to the male faster and stayed with him until sexually stimulated.

Passport to great sex

Buy the Men’s Health Guide To the Best Sex In the World, including a CD of steamy advice and winning techniques for you to try out. Go to www.mh.co.za/bestsexbook

Read her mood indicators

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Tunes to turn her on

There’s a scene in The Italian Job where the gang discuss what they’re going to do with their share of the loot. Answers vary from the usual (fast cars), to a room full of shoes. But Lyle (Seth Green) dreams of buying a sound system so powerful it will blow the clothes off of a girl. Sadly, that kind of bass-beat power doesn’t exist. Well, not legally anyway. Music is, however, a great way to set (or enhance) the mood and hush out any sounds that might bring the nosy neighbours knocking. Here’s our seduction selection.

- Café Del Mar Volumen Ocho (the whole album). Great mood-setter. Get out the candles and massage oil.

- Ben Harper, “Steal my kisses”, from Burn To Shine. She’s wearing your boxers and a T-shirt and is spoiling for a pillow fight.

- Finley Quaye, “Your love gets sweeter everyday”, from Maverick a Strike. It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon and you know she’s the one.

- Collective Soul Dosage (the whole album). It’s been a big night out and you can’t find anything else.

- John Mayer, “Your body is a wonderland”, from Room For Squares. The titles’s enough reason, but just listen to the lyrics buddy.

- Ray LaMontagne Trouble (the whole album). Slow, sensual and beautiful. She’s got culture... and you pretend to have.

- Lady Gaga, “Just Dance” from The Fame. It’s Valentine’s Day. You’ve bought her kinky knickers and she’s keen to dance.

- Barry White, the whole catalogue. Just kidding. Unless you were born before 1955, leave this old crooner out of the bedroom.

3 steps to her satisfaction

The lack of female orgasm is more common than you think. And there are ways to coax it out of hiding.

1. Play it safe A woman is more likely to be orgasmic if she feels safe with herself and with you. So build emotional trust. Don’t bully her into doing things she’s not comfortable with, and use condoms and/or birth control if pregnancy or sexual health is a concern.

2. Try this trick Use the following tantric ritual from Jonti Searll to create a space of intimacy and safety. Start by lighting candles, putting on soft music and sitting opposite each other. Look into one another’s eyes – it’s very important to maintain eye contact – and put your hands up, palms against palms, fingers touching. Softly, slowly, start to move your hands, as if they’re dancing. Touch your palms, fingers, knuckles, the back of your hands, the space between your fingers.

Take your time. After about five minutes, let your partner lie down with her head in your lap. Gently stroke her face for five or 10 minutes. Then let her do the same for you. The point is to create a different space for a different experience. No pressure, no rush, no goal.

3. Enlist an expert If there are deep psychological issues at play, like a history of sexual or emotional abuse, or perhaps poor body image, you could be out of your depth. Encourage your partner to work through it with a professional. Go with her if she wants you to, but let her take the lead. Don’t push, just be supportive.

What's in a kiss?

Researchers have measured the anatomy of a typical French kiss. You exchange...

- 0.45g fat
- 0.7g protein
- 250 types of bacteria
- 40 000 parasites
- 0.19g other organic substances

...but you'll burn four kilojoules each for every five seconds of tongue-lashing.

Sexless smooching

How often do you kiss your wife or girlfriend without an ulterior motive - namely sex? A survey shows that couples who don't kiss frequently in non-sexual situations are eight times more likely to feel stressed or depressed compared with frequent smoochers.

The survey of 3 300 people found a strong correlation between relationship intimacy and the frequency of non-sexual kissing and cuddling. Which leads to a Zen proposition: push less, get more. "If you start kissing and cuddling without the expectation of sex, she's going to want it even more - because she'll feel closer to you, and that's what turns her on," says therapist Dr Laura Berman. Snuggling, says Berman, may trigger the release of oxytocin, "the chemical of attachment," which leads to a feeling of closeness. And we know what that leads to.

Your prescription: sex

A romp in the sack can improve short-term brain function and long-term psychological health, thanks to the release of pleasure hormones, say British researchers. But the benefits don’t stop there. Having sex twice a week will…

1. Bolster your immune system
You’ll experience a spike in immunoglobulin A, an antibody that can fight off respiratory and stomach infections.

2. Cut your prostatecancer risk
The more you ejaculate, the more carcinogens you’ll flush out of your sex gland, say Australian researchers.

3. Halve your risk of a fatal heart attack
Sex causes a surge in testosterone, a hormone that helps protect your heart from stress.


4. Ignite your fat burners
During a passionate bout of sex, men use 143 muscles and torch as many kilojoules as during a 15-minute jog.

5. De-stress your mind
After orgasm, your body releases oxytocin, a hormone that acts as a natural antianxiety drug.

A bigger bang

Five steps to more satisfaction

When a man reaches orgasm, muscle tension and blood flow to the pelvis peak and the pubococcygeal muscle group, which supports the pelvic floor, spasms rhythmically at 0.8-second intervals. How can you possibly improve on that? Stronger contractions and more contractions, that’s how. Follow your pleasure guide.

1. Do Kegels Squeeze the muscle you use to stop yourself from peeing. Hold for a few seconds, then release. Repeat 20 times, one to three times a day. Another benefit of Kegels is that they can help with pre mature ejaculation.

2. Find your plateau The plateau phase of sexual response is right before the point of "ejaculatory inevitability", when sex is often at its hottest. Be aware of your arousal levels. On a scale of one (nice jeans) to 10 (orgasm), try to keep yourself at a seven or eight, and pause if you feel yourself losing control. This "peaking" will heighten the quality of orgasm because of the build-up of sexual tension and all those potent sex chemicals roiling in your system.

3. Stimulate your P-spot The perineum is the smooth area between your testicles and anus. It's dense with nerve fibres and abuts the prostate. The prostate and perineal nerve fibres can be stimulated by pressing firmly against the perineum as you reach the point of no return.

4. Make a ring Squeezing the veins on the side of the shaft restricts bloodflow from the penis. This creates tightness and pressure that boost the intensity of orgasm. Make a ring with your thumb and index finger and wrap it tightly around the base of your penis as you're reaching orgasm.

5. Abstain Going without sex or masturbation will increase the volume of ejaculate and intensify orgasmic contractions. Stay away from supplements and herbal concoctions with outrageous claims - just follow the tips above and you won't need any other help.

Touch her

Just 10 minutes of skin-to-skin contact (hand-holding, hugs) with your mate can help keep your blood pressure and pulse from spiking during stressful times, according to university researchers.

She'd rather date an older man

How can a guy grow older and more desirable at the same time? A young woman explains. Given a choice between George Clooney and Prince William - two men on every most-eligible-bachelor list worldwide – I’d choose 42-year-old Clooney. It’s not that I discriminate against young guys, it’s just that they’re guys, and what I’m looking for is a man.

Of course, age alone doesn’t make a man sexy. Fact is, right around age 35, men start to fall into one of two categories: attractive bachelor or pathetic single guy. The Clooneys of this world attract the admiring glances of younger women because they’ve cultivated some of these characteristics:

1. He’s experienced but not fatherly A sexy older man has sampled enough of life to know how to successfully navigate roadblocks. He’s a problem-solver, but doesn’t try to solve his lover’s troubles. He listens to her, supports her decisions and offers his solutions if, and only if, she asks.

2. He’s intelligent yet hip He discusses the postmodern complexities of Blade Runner and the social implications of kwaito, not the differences between seed and venture capital.

3. He’s successful but not flashy He’s a man who has something to show for his life - a career he’s passionate about, a home or roots of some kind and relationships. He’s invested in his life and in the world, financially and figuratively. His success is sexy; it’s subtle and speaks for itself. He doesn’t flaunt his possessions, or use them as bait for potential lovers.

4. He makes me dream about taking him to bed An older man presumably has had enough sex to figure out exactly what women want in bed. He’s polite and discreet; his intentions - and his ability to follow through on them - are telegraphed through a knowing twinkle in his eye, not a drunken shimmy on the dance floor.

5. He’s in shape and healthy He exercises and eats healthily, but not just for vanity’s sake. He cares about his health and future and has given up smoking, binge drinking and other early-adulthood habits. A man who takes care of himself is capable of taking care of other people.

6. He’s stylish but age-appropriate This man has developed a classic and unique style that reflects his age and status in life. He knows the value of quality clothing and good tailoring. And he knows how to spend money well. He seems as if he’d give good gifts of elegant lingerie.

7. He acknowledges his age, but doesn’t focus on it When he dates a younger woman, it’s not because he gets off, creepy-style, on the fact that she’s 22 and he’s 42. He doesn’t patronise her with endless conversations about the age difference.

8. He knows what he wants He doesn’t waffle. When he wants a woman, he tells her. And, not surprisingly, often gets her.

Set the right mood

Q: Besides massaging, what else can I do during foreplay to raise the intensity?

A: Guys don’t understand this, but foreplay is crucial for women. Your first step should be to set the mood. Using candles, drawing a rose bath, trying aromatherapy oils, organising some strawberries and Champagne (for drinking and pouring on her) are all ways to set the mood for sex. Be creative, and try to tailor your approach to your woman’s favourite indulgences. Routine is excruciatingly boring, and she will start to feel that you expect sex every time you try your signature moves. With massaging, you can experiment with different oils and massaging tools for some variety. The trick is to focus on using your hands and mouth to caress her body so that the intensity is heightened. What’s in it for you? The more foreplay you provide, the more sex you will get.

How she can tell the truth

What happens when you lie to your girlfriend...

1. BRAIN STRAIN
As you furiously back-pedal, your brain whirrs into a frenzy of activity. Extra blood is sent to your anterior cingulate – the part of the brain associated with confl ict resolution – fuelling the untruth. The hippocampus – tasked with visualisation – helps to expand on it. Next time you are in a jam, keep sharp by spreading peanut butter on your toast. It’s high in brain-boosting vitamin E to help you think on your feet.

2. EYES LEFT
When it comes to lying, your eyes are always looking to bust you – as your girlfriend confers with them, they can’t help but give the game away. They start to wander shiftily as she waves your not-so-well hidden porn in your face. As you protest, you glance up and to the left, accessing the hippocampus as it visualises a way out of this tight spot. Remember this little clue when dealing with mechanics or dodgy car salesmen.

3. SPEAK NO EVIL
While your brain is busy thinking of an excuse, your mouth has to fend for itself, and all it can manage is mutterings. When you finally think of what to say, it comes out all at once, as you rush to prove your innocence. While you are blabbering away, you also try to gain her trust by adopting a submissive tone and raising the pitch of your voice an octave or two.

4. FACE THE MUSIC
Not only can’t you look at her, you can’t even face her. As you explain how your trip to the pub was a business event, you turn your body away. A defensive gesture, your anxiety drives an urge to protect your vital organs, even if there is no physical threat. Next time your boss talks promotions, ask him while standing in front of him. If he turns, it’s time to move.

5. SIGN LANGUAGE
Bend the truth, and your hand will gravitate to your mouth, where it’ll try to mask the deception sprouting from your lips. And while one hand heads to your mouth, the other clenches into a fist, as the fear of being caught causes you to tense up. These hand gestures aren’t just for those doing the lying, but those who think they are being lied to.

6. FIBBING FEET
After 20 minutes of grilling, your legs want to escape. They start by tapping to relieve nervousness. When this fails, your fight or flight response kicks in. But with nowhere to run or hide, you have to settle for shifting from foot to foot. When using this to detect a lie, remember that a toe tap on its own can be a sign of nervousness. But if someone takes a sneaky glance at the door at the same time, they’re looking for a sharp exit.

Fighting can help

Don’t be afraid of conflict. Negative emotions can be good for a relationship. A study at Baylor University found that “hard” negative emotions, such as anger and contempt, helped couples instigate conflicts that ultimately led to solutions. “Soft” negative emotions, such as concern and disappointment, helped couples persevere in resolving their issues. Discuss any problems you may have promptly, says study author Dr Keith Sanford. Start a clash by using the word “you” (“You hog the sheets”), but when it’s time to resolve things, switch to the softer “I” (as in “I can’t sleep when I’m cold”).

Want to get the girl?

Ace your opener. A new study shows that first impressions form faster and last longer than previously thought. Students were paired off on the first day of school and talked for three, six or 10 minutes. Evidence at nine weeks showed that initial judgements guided how intimate relationships became, no matter how short the conversation. Study author Dr Michael Sunnafrank, says a negative first impression is tough to shake because the person may avoid you. To have her at hello, note her eye colour. That forces you to focus on her eyes, and eye contact is the way people really connect.

Hit her hot spots

Make her feel like a goddess by touching her all over

AROUND HER FACE
Massage her temples and forehead after a hard day and you’ll relax her. As she’ll only become aroused once she’s relaxed, this is a good move to try on any day of the week. And look for her mouth to open. If she’s uptight or tense her lips will stay shut; when she’s feeling more relaxed, they’ll move slightly apart.

ON HER BREASTS
Of course, this is a fantastic place to touch her if you want to pleasure her. Packed with nerve endings, you don’t need to be rough or go straight for the nipples, either: feather-light touching will arouse more nerves to begin with.

ON THE SIDES OF HER BODY
In the direction of her breasts, below her underarms. This is a great teasing spot as you’re arousing the nerve endings in that area. Brush her gently just above the skin. She has very fine golden hairs that you can’t see here and, as your fingers move over her skin, they will be stimulated, giving her a wonderful sensation.

ON HER HIPS
Placing your hands here during a kiss or sex makes her feel feminine and sexy. When you’re facing her, try placing your hands low on her hips but letting your thumbs move inwards closer to her pubic area. This is a highly sensitive part of her body because, like on the neck, the blood is very close to the surface.

ON HER LIPS
You’ll often touch them with yours but don’t forget to use your fingers too. Try touching her lips lightly with your thumb, looking directly at her mouth as you do so, then giving her a long kiss. It’s a very sexy move.

ON THE BACK OF HER NECK
Moving her hair gently away from her neck to kiss it or moving your fingers over her neck makes her feel exposed – in a good way.

ON THE SMALL OF HER BACK
One strategically placed hand here to pull her in towards you during a kiss is fantastically romantic and passionate. It also pulls her pelvis close to yours and puts you in control – in a gentlemanly way, of course. And it just happens to be where most of the nerve endings on her back are.

ON HER BEHIND
Putting your hands here during a kiss makes your intentions clear – if you pull her body in towards yours, pressing her pelvis into hers, it can be a huge turn-on.

Stiffy or iffy

As a teen, you stockpiled wood. Does your lumber still stack up?

As men age, they need to consider the heart/erection connection. "All health issues have effects on your penis," says Dr Steven Lamm author of The Hardness Factor: How to Achieve Your Best Health and Sexual Fitness at Any Age. "A 50-year-old man who is healthy is probably performing as well sexually as an out-of-shape 30-year-old who smokes and drinks."

Lamm recommends these lifestyle changes to keep your member in good standing after the teenage years.

- Achieve ideal body weight and eliminate the fat around your gut
Abdominal fat blocks the testosterone that should be available to you, which in turn affects sexual functioning. A fat gut is a bad marker for overall health - including your sexual health, says Lamm.

- Do a cardio workout daily
When you exercise, blood flow increases - blood rushes through the endothelial cells (the lining of the blood vessels) and stimulates them to make more nitric oxide, a key chemical involved in producing erections. "The healthier a man is, the more nitric oxide he produces, and the harder his erection is," says Lamm.

- Give up butts
"Absolutely do not smoke - that just clenches down on your blood vessels and prevents them from being reactive," he says. Smoking restricts penile blood flow and weakens erections, making smokers twice as likely to experience erectile dysfunction.

- Avoid big meals and alcohol before sexual encounters
For optimal sexual performance, give yourself two hours between dinner and sex. Would you eat a big meal before playing a squash game? "If all your blood is going to your gut, it's not going to go to your pelvic area," Lamm says.

- Take supplemental insurance
Pop two omega-3 fatty-acid supplements daily totalling at least 300 milligrams of DHA and 400 milligrams of EPA as a kind of insurance policy on your heart and penis health. And consider taking the antioxidants pycnogenol and L-arginine. They'll shield your endothelium from harm and facilitate the use of nitric oxide.

How to meet your match

How’s this for defeating a purpose: dating lots of women can hurt your search for The One. When prospects are lentiful, “at the first sign of a problem, men often move on to the next woman, instead of dealing with it,” says Dr Susan Campbell, author of Truth in Dating. Sound familiar? Make some changes...

YOU'RE SETTING A BUDGET
“If you go into a date thinking, How much money am I going to spend? You’re sabotaging yourself,” says Bill Horst, a leading professional matchmaker.

The fix
It’s fine to go on free or cheap dates. Taking money out of the equation will put the emphasis back on getting to know someone new. Try a walk on the beach.

YOU HAVE NO FEMALE FRIENDS
People often meet through mutual friends. So you need girl friends for dating back up.

The fix
If you’re not into her, kindly say you just want to be friends. If you impress her with your charm, you might meet her hot roommate.

YOU SCREEN HER CALLS
“If you stop communicating with someone for no clear reason, there’s obviously a problem,” Campbell says. Be cautious: this is often a prelude to eternal bachelorhood.

The fix
Practise dealing with difficult situations, advises Campbell. If a woman says something that turns you off, tell her why it bothered you and deal with it.

Unhealthy living behaviour

Statistics that can save your relationship and your life

1. LACK OF A SOCIAL LIFE
On average, couples spend 14.8 hours of quality time per week with spouses or partners. When you’re living together there seems to be an unsaid rule that you and your partner operate as a unit. You’re somehow expected to do everything together, and you find that you’re the only guy with a girlfriend at the year-end function. The essential paradox of intimacy and sex: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Tell her she deserves a night out with her girls and get her to sign your permission slip and go out with your boys.

2. ASKING “STUPID” QUESTIONS
No female on Earth gets ready in less than 10 minutes. Thirty-five percent spend between 15 and 30 minutes and 40 percent get done between 40 minutes and an hour. So stop asking, “Are you ready yet?”

3. CLEAN BREAK
Sixty-six percent of women expect their partner to do half the housework. Tip, hire a maid or start cleaning.

4. LISTEN TO HER
Women want men to listen. Let her share her good and bad times with you. Be there, rather than just promising to be there. If your girl is trying to talk to you, give her your full attention. If you do, you’ll make her feel that she matters. Which can only have good benefits for you.

Your golden tongue

How to have a great conversation with a woman

“WHAT DO YOU DO HERE IN [INSERT CITY]?”
This gives her a chance to talk about herself, and gives you a chance to see what makes her tick. And remember to respect her answer. When she informs you of her proctology residency, assume she’s already been the butt of every heinie joke from here to Uranus.

“YOU HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE.”
Casually refer to a non-sexually focused physical trait that you find captivating to set her juices aflow. Opt for the oft overlooked: hair, skin, hands, smile. Avoid anything that sets you up as a fetishist, like “nice feet” or “what clavicles!” And keep it simple. Leave the limpid pools to dead poets.

“WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE NOT . . .”
Another fast way to jump-start talk. And you’ll set yourself apart from the last guy by (1) remembering what she does in the first place and (2) acknowledging that she probably does something besides wear shiny, wet lip gloss really, really well.

“LET’S JUST SAY SCIENCE WASN’T MY STRENGTH.”
Yes, boys, the humble man who isn’t afraid to admit he has a couple of minor weaknesses is unbelievably sexy – if it’s not overdone. If possible, follow up such admissions with a strong point, like “but I can cook a mean chilli”. This is not, however, permission to start listing all the things you suck at. Be prudent.


“DID YOU READ ABOUT THAT NEW CAR THAT RUNS ON CHINESE FOOD AND BEER?”
Talk about something you read, saw or experienced recently. Current events are ripe fodder for interesting conversation, but keep it light and avoid no-winners like politics and religion. And anything having to do with you or your buddy’s bodily functions.

Know what she is thinking

Hands up if you think you’re good in bed. That’s wonderful. But can you make a girl come without taking your trousers off while telling her how hot she is? It’s a skill womankind will thank you for – over and over again. “Fingering” isn’t the nicest word in the sex dictionary, but to be good at it shows a woman you’re a master of the carnal arts. All you need is a pair of hands and to know when – and how – to deploy them.


YOU’RE KISSING, BUT SOMEHOW SHE DOESN’T SEEM TO BE INTO IT

SHE'S THINKING
This a bit same-old, same old. It’s a shame he can’t shake it up a little. Where you put your hands during a kiss can make or break the experience for her. Sometimes it’s not your mouth or tongue that send quivers down her spine, but the location of your hands. So try sliding your hand up and down the sides of her upper body.

You're in her

YOU’RE THRUSTING YOUR FINGERS AS DEEP INSIDE HER AS YOU CAN

SHE'S THINKING
I can’t feel that. How many times have you been told not to play in the deep end? Only the outer third of the vagina has many nerve endings; deeper inside there’s virtually no sensation at all, so all your efforts to go deeper won’t have much effect. You can, however, try to stimulate her G-spot, a bundle of nerves about four centimetres up the front wall of her vagina. It doesn’t do it for all women, but try rubbing your finger over the area or pressing down on it gently. And don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t have the desired effect of helping her orgasm – instead, focus your attention on the first two centimetres of her vaginal canal, where she has more sensation.

You're playing with her

YOU’RE HAPPILY PLAYING WITH HER MAGIC BUTTON

SHE'S THINKING
Fill me up. It’s all too easy to focus on the clitoris and forget to pleasure her elsewhere. So while you’re flicking her joy switch, use your other hand to stimulate her vaginal lips and vaginal canal. Slide your middle finger gently inside her as you use your other fingers on her clitoris, or use your thumb if it’s easier. Use the same rhythm on her clitoris that you use inside her and make sure that you give her lips and outer third of her vaginal canal lots of exciting stimulation.

Say the right thing

Any man can comfort a woman when she’s having a rough time. But new research shows that it’s how you react to the good news in her life that truly reveals the strength of a relationship. Reacting positively – even if you’re jealous or have misgivings – shows how well you understand your partner, says Dr Shelly Gable, a psychologist at the University of California at Santa Barbara. Researchers videotaped couples sharing good and bad news. Those who reacted well to good news were more likely to still be together two months later. If you’re not thrilled with her new promotion, with its longer hours and travel, focus on what you are happy about and tell her you’re proud of her, Gable says. Wait until later to bring up your reservations.

Caught on the net

Internet flirtations drain blood from the brains of sensible men. Men are more likely to be scammed on the Internet, says British researchers. They’re also more likely to receive spam, viruses and pop-up ads. One possible reason: men browse more porn online.

You need a wingwoman

Psychologists have proven that you’ll look better to women if you have a female looking at you. In a study, women rated photos of male faces – when the guy was alone, and then with a woman looking at him. Seeing other women smile at men increased women’s preferences for those men. On the flip side, male opinions of other men dropped if women were smiling at the men. So make ’em smile: There’s an advantage to being nice to people when you’re at a bar or club.

Kama positions to try

1. THE DOWNWARD DOG
The purpose
Good for deeper thrusts.

How it works
She's facedown on the bed, hips raised.

The benefit
This position creates a snug fit, but don't be a battering ram. "Move your hips from side to side, too," says sex therapist Dr Diana Wiley.


2. THE FACE-OFF
The purpose
Makes height differences disappear.

How it works
You sit on a chair, she faces you on your lap.

The benefit
Greater flexibility. "She can easily control the angle and depth of entry," says Wiley, and you can learn what sort of rhythm she likes.


3. THE PRETZEL
The purpose
Blends the doggy and missionary styles.

How it works
She lies on her left side. You kneel between her legs, curling her right leg around your right side and straddling her left leg.

The benefit
Deep penetration with face-to-face contact.


4. THE SHOULDER HOLDER
The purpose
Targets her G-spot, makes you feel bigger.

How it works
She rests both legs on one of your shoulders.

The benefit
"Any position in which a woman raises her legs narrows the vagina," says Rebecca Rosenblat, author of Seducing Your Man.


5. THE COWGIRL'S HELPER
The purpose
Puts her in control. You can lend a hand.

How it works
She squats on top, raising and lowering herself with her thighs. You support her by holding her hips and rising to meet each thrust.

The benefit
She'll appreciate your ceding the sexual remote.

Make yourself irresistible

Make yourself irresistible to women with these simple 8 steps.

1. Plan that trip
Think big: hiking in Bolivia, wreck diving off Fiji, kayaking Norway's fjords. A man who's about to go on - or is just back from - a ballsy adventure emits an irresistible glow.

2. Get an expensive haircut
Go to an upscale hair salon and ask for the owner or head stylist. Don't let a recent beauty-school grad touch those locks.

3. Browse organic markets
Healthy, happy, successful single women channel unused sexual energy into a deep hatred of pesticides.

4. Become a regular at someplace plush
Find a hip, bustling bar or restaurant in your hood and go there once a week - with friends, colleagues or alone. Tip well. After a month, you'll have a rapport with the staff that could, at best, lead to introductions and invitations. At the very least it will impress a date when you finally take one there.

5. Throw a bash
Or pay talented people to throw one for you. Hire a caterer, a bartender and a DJ and invite everyone you know. It's expensive, but the exposure is worth it.

6. Renovate a room
Find women in the world of interior decorating. From looking for furniture to picking out paint to browsing light fixtures, you'll be surrounded by single ladies. To break the ice, simply ask her opinion.

7. Read Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels in public
Women figure if you understand Marquez, you can't possibly be bad in bed. Now prove them right.

8. Donate your time or money
Find a glitzy non-profit - something involving art, music or the theatre. It'll add events to your social calendar, clout to your character and valid opportunities to meet professional dancers.

Younger love

Couples who have sex at least three times a week appear an average of 10 years younger than those who tumble twice a week or less.

Undressing while sitting or lying

It’s a dilemma: how do you get from clothed to naked when you’re sitting or lying down without giving an impromptu contortionist’s performance? No matter what anyone says, having sex with your jeans stuck around your ankles is less than dignified.

The solution: both of you get up and undress each other. Aim for a blend of speed and elegance in your movements. You don’t want to grind the proceedings to a halt by taking five minutes to neatly fold all your clothes before hopping into bed, but neither do you want to anger her by ripping her R900 Diesel T-shirt in your haste to get to those glorious breasts (even if it looks torn already). If you really don’t want to stand up to disrobe, rather lie down fl at and wriggle out of your clothes. You can’t take off a pair of jeans while sitting.

The most important thing to remember is: don’t pretend you don’t want to undress her. You’re not 16 any more, and neither is she (we hope). Pretending to undress her by accident is just plain embarrassing. Rather celebrate the act of getting naked.

Fabulous foreplay

Treating your woman right will not only warm her up for the main course, but you’ll save yourself half an hour of epic thrusting.

Not only will she return the favour with interest, but you’ll also raise her expectations, making your record tough to beat. Treating your woman right will not only warm her up for the main course, but you’ll save yourself half an hour of epic thrusting.

1. Tell her how hot she is
If you want to turbo-charge your foreplay, imagine yourself as a seductive Hollywood hunk. Lean across the table and gently cup her cheeks. Look into her eyes and say: “God, I want you.” That’s it, three simple words. Well, four actually. Keep the “God” part in for killer effect.

2. Nuzzle up
Mouth action is where you’ll get the most bang for your buck. Kisses or even a little gentle nibbling anywhere else on her body can register high on the sexual Richter scale.

3. Get ready for the rubdown
Tell her you want to touch every inch of her body. Fresh out of massage oil? Don’t panic, olive or sesame oil will do just as well. Start at her toes and move up. Keep it slow, there’s no need to rush.

4. Head south with alacrity
If your goal is to bring her to multiple orgasms, your best bet is to bring her to climax orally before you have intercourse.

5. Keep going
When you think you’ve paid your dues, add five minutes. Think of foreplay as starting up a car in winter: if you let the engine run five minutes longer in the driveway, you’re less likely to stall at a busy intersection. The average guy spends too much time seeing how long he can last. Those minutes are far better spent getting her hot in the first place.

Climax to the max

By working one small muscle at the gym, at your desk or while fi shing, you can increase your orgasmic power and lower the risk of impotence – without getting arrested. Get a grip with these techniques:

Kegel exercises are used to tone up and strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle (PC), which is involved in orgasm and ejaculation. How to find your pc muscle Stop and restart your urination. The muscle you’re flexing is the PC. The basic kegel exercise

1 Contract the muscle and hold for a count of 10, then relax.

2 Repeat. Aim for at least 10 sets, several times a day. With your PC muscles now firmly toned over several weeks, your favourite body part will be more powerful than a medieval battering ram. (But a lot more welcome.) If you contract the PC muscle during sex, it acts like the brakes on a car and can halt ejaculation, while still allowing you to orgasm.

Relationship tested

Arched eyebrow at one o’clock. Slightest hint of a smile. Could be random. But there’s enough eye contact to tell you it isn’t. Her friend is in the bathroom... will be back any moment. Seconds are ticking. You could be wrong. But if life and Eminem lyrics have taught you anything, it’s that you only get one shot. The first step to meeting a woman is up to you. For every important step thereafter, we’ve got you covered. Read this, and you’ll gracefully tackle every relationship challenge – the first time.

First hello
If your deodorant is working, you have about 15 seconds to prove that you’re not just another fool who wants to get in her pants. Show confidence, nonthreatening charm and a smidgen of aggression to let her know you’re decisive. If she looks at you for three beats, you’re cleared for approach. Say something short and firm, like, “Hi, nice bracelet,” suggests David Copeland, co-author of How to Talk to Women. And follow it with a question – “What’s the story behind that?” – to start her talking. After a few minutes of good conversation, ask for her number.

First date
She’s here, so she’s at least mildly interested in having sex with you. Or not totally repulsed. Same thing! Through-out the night, touch her protectively – like lightly resting your hand on her back as you guide her to the restaurant table. It connotes that you’re in charge of seeing that her body is safe. To sow anticipation, end the date sooner than you’d like with the unmistakable gesture of a mature man who’s interested: place your hand on her hip and give her a decisive on-the-lips kiss. Call her within 24 hours to tell her you had a good time and to ask her out again.

First-time sex
Taking off your clothes with a new woman is always uncharted territory. The key to great sex the first time is taking it slow. “Let her know that when you make love to a woman, you do it from head to toe,” says Nicole Beland, Men’s Health’s Girl Next Door. “Few guys know how much a woman loves to be stroked with her bra and panties still on, so don’t rush to get her naked. The feel of the fabric against her skin and your fingers on the other side of it will leave her dying for more.”

At T minus 30 seconds, take out your three-pack of Durex (a whole box is scary) and tell her you’re going to use one. After sex, hold her for at least 10 minutes, says clinical sexologist, Dr Ava Cadell, “tell her she has a great body (and mean it), and stay the night.” This shows reverence for her body and reassures her that you want sex to be part of the journey of the relationship, not the destination.


First SERIOUS talk
When she inevitably asks, “Where is the relationship going?” don’t ask her to define her views first; anything you say after that will seem like a response calculated to fit hers. Rather say, “I’ve been thinking about that, too,” advises psychologist Dr Aline Zolbrod. List specific things you like about her (her laugh, her smell, her map-reading skills...). Then say you don’t know precisely where things are going, learning to know someone is a slow process. End with the coup de grace that will always save your ass: “I do know one thing: this relationship has promise.”

Sensual massage

You want sex, but she’s too stressed? That won’t be a problem if you follow our essential (and sensual) tips on how to rub her up the right way

1. Stroking
With your forefinger or middle finger, draw long lines gently along the spine and the contours of her body, as if holding a pencil.

2. The dots
Using the forefinger, middle finger, lips or tongue, move up and down the body.

3. Jingling
Move the
pads of your fingertips along her body as though playing a keyboard

4. Tickling
Focus on the erogenous zones – the soft skin of the inner elbow, behind the knee and the inner thigh.

5. Polishing
Keeping your fingers together, polish the surface of her skin gently, using circular motions.

6. The rails
Draw lightly along the skin, following two imaginary parallel lines, with your forefinger and middle finger.

7. The feather
Either with a real feather or the tips of your fingers, brush the surface of her skin gently and intermittently.

8. Scratching
Sketch lines up and down her body with your fingernails, pressing firmly, but don’t leave more than a slight red mark on her skin.

9. The comb
Splay the fingers of one hand a centimetre or two apart and stroke her skin using downward strokes – especially across the back, stomach and legs.

1O. The spider
Let your fingers “walk” across her skin like a spider, one after the other. Oh, the anticipation!

Looks can thrill

Here’s a pick-up tip: after catching her eye, go in for her mind. Researchers found that women aren’t attracted to men who initiate eye contact and then quickly break it by looking away. An averted gaze sends the signal that you’re more interested in something (or somebody) else. Of course, there’s a fine line between a come-hither look and a creepy stare. Keep it friendly by focusing on women who are close by – you’ll be able to lock eyes and then immediately step up to start a conversation.

Limber up for love

Yoga can increase your endurance between the sheets, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Men with premature ejaculation (PE) who practised an hour of yoga a day for 12 weeks were able to triple the length of time they lasted during intercourse. In fact, they had more staying power than men who took Prozac, which is prescribed off-label to treat PE. Yoga breathing teaches men to control anxiety, while the movements strengthen their pelvic muscles.

Fertility rights and wrongs

At some point in your life, making a baby won’t sound like a crazy idea. And when that time comes, remember this refresher on keeping your swimmers strong. Turns out, much of the old wisdom has been lapped.

1. OLD
Don’t have sex until she’s most fertile.

NEW
Have sex – and masturbate – often. Australian researchers found that as sperm sit idle, they weaken.

2. OLD
Make sure she eats a healthy diet.

NEW
Cut the junk yourself. High blood sugar damages your sperm, say Irish researchers.

3. OLD
Hit the gym and you’ll strengthen your sperm.

NEW
Just don’t train to exhaustion. Doing so cuts your sperm count, according to a Spanish study.

4. OLD
Schedule bedroom romps.

NEW
Do it when you’re both in the mood. Over planning leads to sexual stress, which also hurts your count.