Dressed to Thrill

Inspire a woman to wear much less

A ratty bathrobe can be a compliment. It means she's comfortable around you. "She's saying that your relationship is at a point where all the superficial stuff is unnecessary." says Men's Health's Girl Next Door, Nicole Beland. But you love some of the superficial things - like the short skirts and high heels she wore to catch your attention. Your mission: get her to wear them more often. Here's how.

Excitement
“If you want a woman to be inspired to dress in a sexy way, give her something to be excited about,” Beland suggests. Buy tickets to a concert, take her to a romantic hotel bar or make dinner reservations and talk about your “date night” all week. If she knows you think the plans are romantic, she’ll dress to impress.

Positive reinforcement
Tell her when she looks irresistible so she’ll dress that way again. “She may not know that you noticed,” says Yvonne Fulbright, author of The Hot Guide to Safer Sex, “so why should she bother?” You may think your dropped jaw communicates how hot she looks. It helps, but she needs more. “Women get intimacy from words,” says anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love. Articulate the effect she’s having on you. Say, “When you wear that sweater, it makes me want to peel it off you.”

Gifts
Women love gifts. This isn’t a newsflash, so why aren’t you surprising her with sexy clothes? And this doesn’t mean intimate lingerie – that’s too heavy-handed. Giving a woman a low-cut sweater or a short, silky robe is a good way to get her to show more skin.

Lead by example
This is a two-way street. Wear the shirt she says brings out your eyes and the pants that show off your butt. “If you make an effort, she’ll want to keep up with you,” says Beland.

When you lie to your partner

Every time you stretch the truth, she knows. How?

Here’s a list of giveaways that show your excuse is a blatant lie:

1.Eyes left

When it comes to lying, your eyes are always looking to bust you - as your girlfriend confers with them, they can't help but give the game away. They start to wander shiftily as she waves your not-so-well hidden porn in your face. As you protest, you glance up and to the left, accessing the hippocampus as it visualises a way out of this tight spot. Remember this little clue when dealing with mechanics or dodgy car salesmen.

2.Speak no evil

While your brain is busy thinking of an excuse, your mouth has to fend for itself, and all it can manage is mutterings. When you finally think of what to say, it comes out all at once, as you rush to prove your innocence. While you are blabbering away, you also try to gain her trust by adopting a submissive tone and raising the pitch of your voice an octave or two.

3.Face the music

Not only can't you look at her, you can't even face her. As you explain how your trip to the pub was a business event, you turn your body away. A defensive gesture, your anxiety drives an urge to protect your vital organs, even if there is no physical threat. Next time your boss talks promotions, ask him while standing in front of him. If he turns, it's time to move.

Sexy stuff she'd like to try

What forms of sexual experimentation would you both like to try?

TOYS:
Women 25%
Men 48%

SPANKING:
Women 73%
Men 33%

VIDEO TAPING:
Women 55%
Men 74%

PUBLIC SEX:
Women 48%
Men 67%

GROOMING:
Women 75%
Men 55%

ANAL SEX:
Women 69% Men 78%

WATCHING PORN:
Women 66%
Men 66%

ROLE PLAYING:
Women 77%
Men 69%

THREESOME:
Women 62%
Men 79%

She's testing you

Your game's a sham and she knows it: springing for a drink is nice but ultimately transparent. "Men are always giving off signals as to how they'll act when they're not trying to impress you," says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League. Lucky for you, we snagged the pop-quiz answer key:

1. The Hook-up Test

Rock stars and athletes get girls because they're cocky and co-ordinated. "If he's graceful, confident and calm, then you can assume he'd be better in bed than a clumsy clod," says Nicole Beland, the Men's Health resident Girl Next Door. A game of pool could be her way of giving you a tryout. Our advice: don't scuff the felt.

2. The Humour Test

She's ripping off your Nirvana T-shirt for a reason. "If he can laugh it off or tease me back, it means major points," says Kirsti, 23.

"A woman wants to feel like 'He gets me'," says Dennie Hughes, author of Dateworthy. "She wants someone who's just as sarcastic and cerebrally funny." And let's face it: girls like this are rare.

3. The Jealousy Test

Play it cool, but not too cool, when she leaves your side. "If he's too supportive of my venturing out and trying something new - like talking to other men at the bar - I'll take the hint and move on," says Cristina, 24. "If he's silent, then I'll take it that he's jealous, which is kind of hot."

4. The Backbone Test

It doesn't matter if she's taking a stand on politics, hunting or how much to tip: she wants to see how you handle a healthy disagreement. "Women want to know that you have a spine and are able to discuss difficult topics," says Hughes. "Men who can debate with grace are men who will be able to help navigate the dif?cult issues that occur in every relationship."

5. The Service Test

Shaft the waiter and you're revealing your real self. "She's looking at how you treat other people," says David Wygant, author of Always Talk to Strangers. Also, be gracious but brief when said waitress is wearing a top with a plunging
neckline.

6. The Long-Term Test

Extra credit: pass every one of these tests and you could find yourself babysitting her disgusting cat for the weekend or spending a day shopping alone with her mom. She's seeing how much you'll sacrice for her if she's not around, says Wygant. "She wants to make sure you want all of her, including the painful parts."

Drive her wild

Some winning techniques

1. Find her G-spot

The G-spot is located inside the vagina on the forward wall (towards the navel). When stimulated, the G-spot swells to about the size of a two rand coin and has the puffy consistency of a marshmallow. To find it, insert a finger and curl it towards you, in a kind of 'come hither' motion.

2. Hum during oral sex

Anytime you touch the skin with something vibrating, you transmit sensation to a wider area than you would through simple stroking. So relax your lips (think Mick Jagger) and hum (maybe 'Brown Sugar') as you bring the outermost portion of your kisser in contact with her vaginal lips.

3. Lick, then blow

By licking her nipples, private parts and neck, then blowing on the wet patches you've created, you can generate a sexy tingle that'll drive your woman wild. To make her head spin even more, use alcohol. It evaporates more quickly than water or saliva, producing a greater cooling effect.

What works for her

We asked hundreds of women what worked for them... here are the sexy stats

WHAT'S THE IDEAL SIZE, IN GIRTH, FOR A MAN'S PENIS?

1. As big as a D battery 64%
2. As big as a squash ball 28%
3. As big as a 50-cent piece 5%
4. As big as a cooldrink can 2%
5. As big as a whiteboard marker Less than 1%


WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS MOST IMPORTANT FOR PLEASING YOU SEXUALLY?

She said:
Thrusting technique 55%
Oral-sex technique 20%
Penis girth 12%
Length of intercourse 9%
Penis length 4%


WHAT BEST BRINGS YOU TO ORGASM?

Vaginal sex
She said: 27%
He said: 76%

Manual stimulation
She said: 51%
He said: 7%

Oral sex
She said: 21%
He said: 17%

5 new places to do it

1. On the washing machine >>>

Your washing machine produces more vibration than any other appliance in your home. Problem is, most people don't use it right. You should be the one with your butt on the lid. The motion will be transmitted through your pelvis, essentially turning your member into a life-size vibrator. Run a warm-water load so the top won't be cold.

2. In the vault >>>

To really add some spice to your sex life, make a quick stop at your bank. A safe-deposit-box room is quiet, the door is locked, and there's no camera. It's a great place to make a deposit and withdraw.

3. Behind the curtain >>>

A great place for sex is your favourite clothes shop's dressing room. It doesn't even have to be that roomy but go for a solid door over a curtain - all that material billowing might attract unwanted attention. Some dressing rooms even have little seats to help out. Just ask the saleswoman if you can go in to make sure you like what your girlfriend is trying on.

4. In a beanbag chair >>>

A beanbag chair is great for sex. You can contour it to any shape, and it'll support you in ways you're not accustomed to. Doggy-style sex works great when she's on her belly, draped over the amorphous blob (the chair, not you). Stick a couple of thick books under the bag to prevent sinking in too far.

5. During Christmas at the in-laws' >>>

There's only one thing that might make the marathon holiday family visits bearable: a little covert sex. Here's the best way to pull it off: bring the kids' gifts - wrapped, but in a bag. Say you haven't wrapped them yet and duck into a spare room. Have fun with the bows.

Too busy for sex?

Get your timing right

YOU HAVE: Five minutes
YOUR STRATEGY: Skip the schedule

She loves quickies for the spontaneity. You love them because they're like sports highlights: no filler. Take her lead, says Tara Roth Madden, author of Romance on the Run. "It can't be just one more thing on my to-do list," she says. If you're worried she'll think you're quick on the trigger, tell her it's just a preview.

YOU HAVE: 30 minutes
YOUR STRATEGY: Pass the baton

"Spend extra time on each other's body and your intercourse will be more action-packed," says sexologist Dr Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. Kiss the sensitive nooks where the body bends, such as the wrists and the backs of the knees. Nerves can predict where you're headed if you move in a straight line, so use a zigzag stroke instead.

YOU HAVE: One hour
YOUR STRATEGY: Warm up longer

Awaken your partner's erogenous zones all over her body by giving her a 20-minute massage. "This isn't a health club," Queen says. "Keep her focused on the erotic nature the massage, not the relaxing side of it." Start with her back, then ask her to roll over so you can work your way towards her breasts and clitoris.

YOU HAVE: All night
YOUR STRATEGY: Turn tricks

To last all night, separate your orgasm from ejaculation. "Eighty percent of men can do this after three months of training," says sexologist Dr Barnaby Barratt. Too New Age? Separate ejaculation from bedtime. The average post-orgasm limp period in 30-year-olds is about half an hour. While you're waiting, try some new tricks.

Blondes or brunettes?

If you can't have both, which lady should you go for?

Looks

In a recent survey of the world's 20 most beautiful women by www.askmen.com, nine were brunettes, 10 blondes and one was a redhead. There's always one. "Golden hair brings out bronzed skin, the colour of the eyes and makes teeth look whiter," says psychologist Natalia Ilyin.

Best sex

In a poll of more than 2 000 men by Garnier, 30 percent thought blondes made the best lovers, while 26 percent said brunettes. "Blondes are generally more outgoing and adventurous, whether it's in the bedroom or the workplace," claims psychologist Dr Tony Fallone.

Intelligence

According to research from Frankfurt University, women who dyed their hair blonde were perceived as being less brainy. But the BBC's Test of the Nation IQ test revealed that blonde woman had an average IQ of 101, two points higher than brunettes.

Fideliy

We want brunettes for our wives. A test by anthropologist Professor Hans Juergens revealed that lonely hearts ads placed by brunettes looking for husbands received twice as many responses as blondes. "Blondes tend to be bigger risk-takers, and more likely to want to play around," according to Fallone.

Cost

Denny Rowe, a barber from the the Garnier poll revealed that 42 percent thought brunettes were more financially secure, while just 26 percent nominated blondes. "Research has shown that they're more conservative and less likely to chop and change between jobs," says Fallone.


AND THE WINNER IS...

Blondes win by a hair's breadth: 3-2

test headline

test body

Hanging

Right. Now if someone could just tell me what I'm doing here...

Gavin