Climax to the max

By working one small muscle at the gym, at your desk or while fi shing, you can increase your orgasmic power and lower the risk of impotence – without getting arrested. Get a grip with these techniques:

Kegel exercises are used to tone up and strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle (PC), which is involved in orgasm and ejaculation. How to find your pc muscle Stop and restart your urination. The muscle you’re flexing is the PC. The basic kegel exercise

1 Contract the muscle and hold for a count of 10, then relax.

2 Repeat. Aim for at least 10 sets, several times a day. With your PC muscles now firmly toned over several weeks, your favourite body part will be more powerful than a medieval battering ram. (But a lot more welcome.) If you contract the PC muscle during sex, it acts like the brakes on a car and can halt ejaculation, while still allowing you to orgasm.

Relationship tested

Arched eyebrow at one o’clock. Slightest hint of a smile. Could be random. But there’s enough eye contact to tell you it isn’t. Her friend is in the bathroom... will be back any moment. Seconds are ticking. You could be wrong. But if life and Eminem lyrics have taught you anything, it’s that you only get one shot. The first step to meeting a woman is up to you. For every important step thereafter, we’ve got you covered. Read this, and you’ll gracefully tackle every relationship challenge – the first time.

First hello
If your deodorant is working, you have about 15 seconds to prove that you’re not just another fool who wants to get in her pants. Show confidence, nonthreatening charm and a smidgen of aggression to let her know you’re decisive. If she looks at you for three beats, you’re cleared for approach. Say something short and firm, like, “Hi, nice bracelet,” suggests David Copeland, co-author of How to Talk to Women. And follow it with a question – “What’s the story behind that?” – to start her talking. After a few minutes of good conversation, ask for her number.

First date
She’s here, so she’s at least mildly interested in having sex with you. Or not totally repulsed. Same thing! Through-out the night, touch her protectively – like lightly resting your hand on her back as you guide her to the restaurant table. It connotes that you’re in charge of seeing that her body is safe. To sow anticipation, end the date sooner than you’d like with the unmistakable gesture of a mature man who’s interested: place your hand on her hip and give her a decisive on-the-lips kiss. Call her within 24 hours to tell her you had a good time and to ask her out again.

First-time sex
Taking off your clothes with a new woman is always uncharted territory. The key to great sex the first time is taking it slow. “Let her know that when you make love to a woman, you do it from head to toe,” says Nicole Beland, Men’s Health’s Girl Next Door. “Few guys know how much a woman loves to be stroked with her bra and panties still on, so don’t rush to get her naked. The feel of the fabric against her skin and your fingers on the other side of it will leave her dying for more.”

At T minus 30 seconds, take out your three-pack of Durex (a whole box is scary) and tell her you’re going to use one. After sex, hold her for at least 10 minutes, says clinical sexologist, Dr Ava Cadell, “tell her she has a great body (and mean it), and stay the night.” This shows reverence for her body and reassures her that you want sex to be part of the journey of the relationship, not the destination.


First SERIOUS talk
When she inevitably asks, “Where is the relationship going?” don’t ask her to define her views first; anything you say after that will seem like a response calculated to fit hers. Rather say, “I’ve been thinking about that, too,” advises psychologist Dr Aline Zolbrod. List specific things you like about her (her laugh, her smell, her map-reading skills...). Then say you don’t know precisely where things are going, learning to know someone is a slow process. End with the coup de grace that will always save your ass: “I do know one thing: this relationship has promise.”

Sensual massage

You want sex, but she’s too stressed? That won’t be a problem if you follow our essential (and sensual) tips on how to rub her up the right way

1. Stroking
With your forefinger or middle finger, draw long lines gently along the spine and the contours of her body, as if holding a pencil.

2. The dots
Using the forefinger, middle finger, lips or tongue, move up and down the body.

3. Jingling
Move the
pads of your fingertips along her body as though playing a keyboard

4. Tickling
Focus on the erogenous zones – the soft skin of the inner elbow, behind the knee and the inner thigh.

5. Polishing
Keeping your fingers together, polish the surface of her skin gently, using circular motions.

6. The rails
Draw lightly along the skin, following two imaginary parallel lines, with your forefinger and middle finger.

7. The feather
Either with a real feather or the tips of your fingers, brush the surface of her skin gently and intermittently.

8. Scratching
Sketch lines up and down her body with your fingernails, pressing firmly, but don’t leave more than a slight red mark on her skin.

9. The comb
Splay the fingers of one hand a centimetre or two apart and stroke her skin using downward strokes – especially across the back, stomach and legs.

1O. The spider
Let your fingers “walk” across her skin like a spider, one after the other. Oh, the anticipation!

Looks can thrill

Here’s a pick-up tip: after catching her eye, go in for her mind. Researchers found that women aren’t attracted to men who initiate eye contact and then quickly break it by looking away. An averted gaze sends the signal that you’re more interested in something (or somebody) else. Of course, there’s a fine line between a come-hither look and a creepy stare. Keep it friendly by focusing on women who are close by – you’ll be able to lock eyes and then immediately step up to start a conversation.

Limber up for love

Yoga can increase your endurance between the sheets, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Men with premature ejaculation (PE) who practised an hour of yoga a day for 12 weeks were able to triple the length of time they lasted during intercourse. In fact, they had more staying power than men who took Prozac, which is prescribed off-label to treat PE. Yoga breathing teaches men to control anxiety, while the movements strengthen their pelvic muscles.

Fertility rights and wrongs

At some point in your life, making a baby won’t sound like a crazy idea. And when that time comes, remember this refresher on keeping your swimmers strong. Turns out, much of the old wisdom has been lapped.

1. OLD
Don’t have sex until she’s most fertile.

NEW
Have sex – and masturbate – often. Australian researchers found that as sperm sit idle, they weaken.

2. OLD
Make sure she eats a healthy diet.

NEW
Cut the junk yourself. High blood sugar damages your sperm, say Irish researchers.

3. OLD
Hit the gym and you’ll strengthen your sperm.

NEW
Just don’t train to exhaustion. Doing so cuts your sperm count, according to a Spanish study.

4. OLD
Schedule bedroom romps.

NEW
Do it when you’re both in the mood. Over planning leads to sexual stress, which also hurts your count.

Turn her on tonight

1.Explore new regions
You’ve heard about her nipples and vagina? Good. Now spend some time on the back of her neck. It’s a brave new world of nerve endings, so gentle caressing and kissing are all that’s needed. The base of her spine is sensation central, as well. Or gently stroke and kiss her belly just above the pubic hairline. Sex is about discovery, not reaching a destination.

2. Ask her to lose her underwear at dinner
The naked secret you share will linger through dessert, says sociologist Dr Pepper Schwartz, author of The Great Sex Weekend.

3. Experiment with grooming
That is, trim each other’s pubic hair until it’s just right. You’re making some smooth skin, which is much more pleasing for the 12-second kisses. But it also makes for fun in the shower. It’s slow and methodical, but it also allows for some power-playing. She has the razor; she has control. And you determine, with her help, just how bare she’s willing to go.

Why you're still single

What you can do to change that

1...because I can't kiss properly
A well-meaning ex-girlfriend told you that in confidence recently. No reason to panic. Kissing can be learnt. Like this.

Solution:
Keep your tongue under control. Don't push your tongue too far into the lady's mouth. You don't want to make her feel nauseous. It's just as important to keep your movements moderate; most girls don't want a wriggling eel in their mouths. Swallow every so often; that prevents you from slobbering. Practise on the back of your own hand, when nobody's looking. Whatever feels pleasant there can be applied later without worrying.


2...because I'm still living at home
Admittedly, it's more practical. But for the fairer sex this causes alarm bells to start ringing. Because a man who is still living in mother's hotel is not an independent man.

Solution:
Move out. Otherwise you can guarantee your mother will remain the only woman in your life.


3...because I'm too shy
Feeling a bit like REM lead singer Michael Slipe when he sang 'That's me in the corner...'? Do you tend to fade into the background and never dare do anything? Stop it right now!

Solution:
"Eye contact is the most important thing," says Margit Steiner, director of a flirting school in Duesseldorf. This doesn't mean staring, but just keeping an eye on her and smiling occasionally. If she smiles back, then you're already halfway there.

And don't forget that the best opening gambits are banal. The deliberately cool one-liner approach - "Do you believe in love at first sight?" or "Shall I make my entrance again?" - might look amusing on paper, but in real life it's just embarrassing. Shy people should always stick to the tried and tested route: 'Is this seat free?', 'Haven't we met before?', 'Is this your first time here?' The sort of woman who then still sends you packing is not the right one for you anyway.


4...because I'm always the good friend
You only have platonic girlfriends with whom you sit chatting for hours over coffee. They come to you with problems they can't talk to their lovers about? That's great!

Solution:
What you need is patience. A girl's best friend is not the guy who takes her heart by storm, but the one who slides in through the back door. She thinks you're nice and as time goes by you get quite cosy with her. And when the knight in shining armour disappears over the horizon with his boorish behaviour, you're the one who is still there. The girl realises that it is you she loves with all her heart, and if she doesn't, then she's a stupid cow. If you don't believe us, just watch When Harry Met Sally again.

Catch her eye

Here's a list of the more rare characteristics that won't just turn their heads - they'll also get your butts moving across the room to say hello.

GET SOME AIR
The strategy
Establish a thoughtful loner vibe and facilitate conversation.

How to pull it off
Stepping out for a cell call or smoke is a turn-off. Going out for some air is romantic. Make like Bogart, sans cigarette, and lean against the wall, hands in your pockets, gazing into the middle distance. Women will notice you as an individual before you rejoin the faceless mob.

What she'll think
We're out here; everyone else is in there. Maybe it was meant to be.

What she'll say: "Hey there."


GIVE SOMEONE A HAND
The strategy
Loud, crowded places foster an "every man for himself" attitude. To rise above it, go out of your way to be helpful.

How to pull it off
Help a girl who's trying to reach over people to get her drink from the bartender.

What she'll think
He's so thoughtful... could such a great guy still be single?

What she'll say: "So chivalry isn't dead."


GO DEEP
The strategy
Look thoughtful by focusing on something unobtrusive.

How to pull it off
Wander away from the crowd, take in the scene, then find a painting, book, whatever - just not the jukebox - and pore over the details. You're oblivious to the commotion.

What she'll think
You're sensitive and smart and, if you furrow your brow, intense. Women love intense. It's very mysterious, very sexy, very Benicio del Toro. She'll want to plumb the depths of your brooding mind.

What she'll say: "What do you find so fascinating?" (Have an answer ready.)

Win her jury over

Get these four people (and one animal) on your team

1. HER BEST FRIEND
The fear
You’re another jerk. She’ll notice immediately if you have anything in common with previous jerks. She may be stand-offish at first, warns LaDawn Black, author of Let’s Get It On: 15 Hot Tips and Tricks To Spice Up Your Sex Life.

Your plan
Work on befriending her, but be genuine, says Black. Take an interest in her problems. Offer thoughtful, honest opinions. Listen when the two gal pals talk about boyfriends past. “You’ll be able to fifind out what the other men did wrong,” says Leil Lowndes, author of How To Talk To Anyone.

2. HER FRIENDLY EX
The fear
He’ll be shut out. Lunch and coffee dates that were once his domain will be ceded to you, sparking his fear that he’ll be totally forgotten.

Your plan
Her ability to have a friendship with a former flame shows that she’s mature, so don’t act suspicious – you’ll look insecure. “Make him feel as if he’s part of her life without always inviting him along,” Black says. Example: giving him a shout-out when they’re on the phone together can let them both know you don’t feel threatened.

3. HER CAT
The fear
You hate cats. While Mr Whiskers (we hope) has no say in the relationship, don’t think she won’t notice if the cat runs the other way when you come over. “Most animal lovers, especially women, see their pets almost as children, so if you don’t share her love, it can be difficult for the relationship to move forward,” says Susan Logan, editor ofCat Fancy magazine.

Your plan
Let the animal sniff you, then scratch it under the chin or behind the ears. Ask your lady to let you feed the cat to help it form a positive association – you visit, kitty eats!

4. HER MOTHER
The fear
You’ll hook her little girl and then hit the road.

Your plan
If her parents are still together, ask her mother how they celebrated their twenty-fifth anniversary or what they’re planning for their next. It shows you’re not a commitment-phobic cad, Black says. If your girl’s birthday is coming up, involve her mom in the planning. You’re thoughtful, is the right message to be sending.

5. HER FATHER
The fear You won’t be able to give his daughter the life she deserves. Even if she has her own career, “most fathers still want to know that their daughters will be taken care of,” Lowndes says.

Your plan
Don’t talk salary – it screams insecurity. Instead, ask his opinion on a financial matter, such as the stocks he’s been following. Aside from flattering him, you’ll make it clear that you’re a financially responsible person planning for the future.

She’s dressed to kill

If you understand why she put her outfit on, it’ll be easier to convince her to take it off.

I’m wearing
A revealing V-neck top.

I’m thinking
Do you like what you see? Give me your sperm. Okay, I’m not really thinking that, but my slutty ovaries sometimes are. Research shows that women reveal more skin and dress more sexily when they’re near ovulation. The reason, according to University of Texas at Austin researchers: women dress sexily to compete with other women for your attention.

“The single women are showing this shift more than women in relationships are,” says the study’s lead author, Kristina Durante, a PhD candidate at the university. “It shows that they’re upping the ante, especially when they’re going to a social event. It’s possible they do this to have more in their arsenal to attract the best man they can.” Buss says, “When women are ovulating, they are of higher ‘mate value’, so this is a perfect opportunity for them to attract high-quality mates.” But at this fertile moment, reproductive costs are high, says Durante. Translation: I don’t want to mate indiscriminately and end up knocked up by some genetic loser who might leave me. “We want men who are going to provide the best genetic and material resources, but we’re not all like Angelina Jolie and we can’t all snag a Brad Pitt,” Durante says. “So we dress up a little more, show off some cleavage and pay a little more attention to our appearance. Then, perhaps, our mating pool is expanded.” Durante’s study also showed that women who were less attractive dressed more sexily than attractive women, who don’t need to try so hard. We’ve all seen proof of this.

Your move
Don’t forget the condom. “If a woman you know is looking sexier than usual, make sure you use due caution later in the night,” says Durante. I may be programmed to be more motivated for sex when I’m ovulating, but it’s also the time you’re most likely to father a child.

Get some sexual heeling

I’m wearing
High heels.

I’m thinking
Is he checking out my butt? If you’re noticing my body more than my shoes, they’re working. Heels raise the buttocks so they become visually attractive to men, says Dr Gad Saad, author of The Evolutionary Bases of Consumption. But you already knew that, at least instinctively. This boost of the butt produces a curve of the lower back toward the abdomen which, in mammals, is the position of female sexual receptivity, Saad explains. It’s no coincidence that strippers are still wearing stilettos after they’ve shed their clothing. Real-world evidence: I don’t recall ever wearing a pair of flats on a first date.

Your move
Say, “Hot shoes” (after a few dates, it’s acceptable to say “Your butt looks hot in those jeans”), and then take me somewhere fancy. “If she’s wearing heels, she’s not saying, ‘I want to go and get a DVD’,” says psychologist Dr Michael Cunningham. “She’s saying, ‘I’m looking for sophistication, not down-home comfort’.” She’s also saying, “I don’t want to walk five city blocks to the next bar.”

Read between the hemlines

I’m wearing
A belted dress or skirt.

I’m thinking
I feel pretty, classically feminine and flirty. Nothing makes me feel more ladylike than a dress, especially the belted variety, which slims the waistline, enhances curviness and is currently in style. (Perhaps you noticed the big-belt trend if your girlfriend dragged you to Sex and the City.) There is an evolutionary explanation for waist-cinching (corsets in the nineteenth century, wraparound dresses in the Seventies): small waists appeal to men. Dr Maryanne Fisher, an assistant professor of psychology at Saint Mary’s University in Nova Scotia, Canada, says curviness, reflected in a woman’s waist-to-hip ratio (WHR), is somewhat dependent on oestrogen. It can show “fecundity, or basically her overall fertility,” she says.

Some research shows that a WHR of about 0.7 (picture Marilyn Monroe or Scarlett Johansson... okay, you can stop now) is the most universally appealing to men. “Males enjoy looking at these types of bodies because mating with females with such body types is more likely to produce viable offspring than it would with those who don’t,” says Dr Steven Platek, associate editor of Evolutionary Psychology. Psychologist Dr David Buss, author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, says that “belts and even colours and patterns can draw a man’s attention to a woman’s WHR, as well as give the appearance of a more pronounced WHR.” A navel piercing may be her way of calling attention to her flat tummy, he says.

Your move
Be a gentleman. When I’m dressed up in a dress, I feel different, a more mature kind of sexy than when I’m wearing, say, hot jeans or short shorts. Accordingly, I want to be wooed by a more mature kind of man. Old-school gestures are welcome: wrap your arm around my waist, hold a door, let me exit the elevator first. You’ll charm my pants off. Oh, right, I’m not wearing pants. How convenient. (Yes, we have this thought, too.)