1. Use body language. Touch her, lean forwards and maintain eye contact to show you’re involved.
2. Don’t ask “why” questions. “This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode,” says Dr Carol Ritberger. Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in “how” or “when” you can solve the problem.
3. “Don’t assume she’s basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions,” says counsellor Paula Hall. “They may just be charged with stress. And if you reckon they are based on emotion, don’t tell her.”
4. Don’t complain. “Countering her bickering with your complaints won’t work,” says psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford. “If you’re fighting to be heard, someone’s bound to lose.” It might well be you.
5. Don’t interrupt when she is talking. Actively listen to whether she uses kinaesthetic (“I feel”), auditory (“I hear”), visual (“I see”) or cognitive (“I think”) terms – and respond in her language. She’ll hear what it is you have to say more clearly.
