Role playing can lead to the best sex of your life.
THE GUIDELINES
Apparently I’d done pretty well for a rookie. When I talked to Dr Brian Mustanski, a sex researcher at the University of Illinois at Chicago, he offered a few suggestions.
Timing
Raise the idea in context. Play off a movie you’ve watched – say, The Graduate. Wonder aloud what it would be like to sleep with Mrs Robinson. “The best thing is if you get her to see the scenario as her idea,” Haltzman says. Lift a line: “Mrs Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me!” See what happens.
Flattery
Start with “something positive and complimentary, like ‘I think you’re really sexy,’” Mustanski says. “Then say, maybe, ‘I’ve been having this fantasy lately. How would you feel about trying it?’” Never mention boredom!
Pacing
Don’t be in a hurry. “Start off slowly,” Zamboni says, “giving each person permission to laugh. Pretend. You may not be dressing up like a doctor, but you can talk like one and go in and out of the role as you please. Be spontaneous. Explore. And remember, there’s no right way to do it. Have fun and a sense of humour.”
Technology
“A few years ago,” says a friend, Anna, “I wasn’t quite ready to role play in real life. So I started out by doing some online role playing. It was the perfect way to go, because I could explore my own preferences anonymously and without any pressure.” Anna says she and her boyfriend have used role playing from the start. “Maybe the first date isn’t the time or place to bring up ball gags,” she says, “but I started hinting as soon as we began taking our relationship to a sexual level. I wouldn’t want to find out years into a relationship that my boyfriend had been wanting to role play all along.” Ivy and I proceeded gradually. Usually we’d begin with a story and only move into the role playing several sessions later. “We took baby steps,” Ivy says. “And I enjoyed every little hurdle. Taking another step, pushing it a little – that’s the best part.” Butterflies can be a good thing; being nervous makes the role playing even better.
