Take her where she has never been before, in more ways than one…The two weeks my boyfriend and I spent together in Paris were exciting and memorable. But so were the two days we spent in his small hometown of Bathurst, in the Eastern Cape. You know, the home of the Bathurst Agricultural Museum.
See, when we’re truly into you, the destination is irrelevant. But you do have to think creatively about what you’re going to do with us while we’re there. I had fun in Bathurst not only because my guy was showing me where he grew up, but also because he planned quirky activities he knew I’d like – a hike out in the country, a stop at the Agricultural Museum.
My point: not every trip has to be all moonlit strolls and kisses by the Seine, but you do need to make an effort if you want her to enjoy travelling with you.
How, though? First, here’s what not to do. “Never, never ever plan a getaway to a place you’ve visited with a previous wife or girlfriend, especially when the relationship is new,” says Paris Permenter, co-editor of www.lovetripper.com, a blog about travel for couples. “No matter how hard you try to keep it to yourself, some comment about ‘last time’ will slip out.”
With that in mind, here are four excursions guaranteed to make you both happy.
1 The wing-and-a-prayer road trip
Best for A love life stuck in neutral that needs some adventure to rev it up.
Game plan Pack her weekend bag, pick her up after work and surprise her with a loosely charted road trip. Give your route a regional theme – beaches, say, if you’re heading along the Garden Route, vineyards if you’re in the Western Cape. Then just plug your points-of-interest category into a GPS and go where the road and the gadget take you (check out www.gpswaypoints.co.za for some ideas, like shipwrecks).
“The key is not to plan down to the nth degree,” says Dr Ian Kerner, a sex and relationships counsellor and the author of She Comes First. “The fun part is figuring it out together and making it about the surprises along the way.”
Destination Pick whatever looks interesting within half a day’s drive. As soon as you hit a town you want to explore, find a room – think upscale B&B, not unsexy generic hotel chain – so you don’t spend the rest of the day looking for a bed.
The best way to get a competitive rate for your overnight stay is to phone ahead, even if it’s from across the street. “That’s your best shot at a bargain,” says Rob Sangster, the author of Traveler’s Tool Kit. “If the B&B owner doesn’t hook you right then, he or she knows you’ll go elsewhere.” If you walk in, he explains, the owner will know you’re likely to stay no matter what the price.
What she’ll like The surprise factor, your spontaneity and your thoughtfulness. “Offer to buy anything you forgot to pack,” says Dr Diana Kirschner, author of Love In 90 Days. “When men take care of every detail, it really opens up their partner’s gratitude and is a turn-on sexually.”
2 The business-with-pleasure trip
Best for When you’re both so busy with work you barely see each other any more.
Game plan “Couples often drift apart when they’re both working hard,” says Kirschner. The next time you schedule a business trip, see if she can take a couple of days off to join you at the tail end. Book her a day at the spa and then hook up with her after your meetings. “Pretend you two are having an affair and meet for dinner,” says Pat Love, co-author of How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. “Flirt with each other. Then head back to the bedroom.”
Destination She’ll be game if the location is a major city, a resort or a beach. Nice bedding (fluffy goose-down duvet with Egyptian-cotton covers, not nasty knitted bedspread) is an absolute must.
What she’ll like You’re showing her that she’s an important part of your life and that you want to spend time with her even when you have other obligations, says Love. That said, if the only holiday you two ever take is also your annual office retreat, she’ll assume (correctly) that you’re a cheap bastard and/or an inattentive lover.
3 The sexy overnighter
Best for When you can’t remember the last time you got naked together, or you’re just bored with your bedroom routine.
Game plan Book a room at a nearby hotel as a date night, suggests Kerner. “It takes you away from your home environment and the physical and visual cues that stimulate stress,” says Love.
Destination Avoid run-of-the-mill chains, even if they are fi ve-star, in favour of boutique hotels with funky decor to bring out the glamour girl in her. A good example is the Daddy Long Legs Boutique Hotel in Long Street, Cape Town, where each room has been decorated in a different, completely over-the-top style. (Tip: avoid the karaoke room if you sing like Donald Duck.) Don’t have an art hotel in your city? Find one with a spa bath and room service – sipping bubbly while sitting in bubbles will make her feel decadently pampered.
What she’ll like That you’re proposing something more thrilling than a movie. Then again, the idea could make her feel like a total hooker. But is that a bad thing?
4 Europe, sans the Euros
Best for Times she wants foreign glamour and you don’t want to break the bank.
Game plan If you want to go to Paris or another obscenely pricey city and you have a few weeks to plan, consider searching www.craigslist.com (free membership) for someone to swop homes with for a few nights. You could save thousands on hotel costs.
Destination Think outside the euro. The Czech Republic, for example, still uses its own currency, and Prague is just as romantic as Paris. Or think outside Europe altogether: head north to Portuguese-speaking Mozambique for faux-Europe experience.
What you’ll both like The adventure of navigating an international setting and the challenge of an unfamiliar language can stimulate bonding and desire, says Kerner. “Anything that indulges the senses and stimulates the mind does the trick.”
