When a woman gets angry she mutates into a vicious Venus flytrap, gagging to bite your wings off. It's your job to get her talking, take control and turn her anger into hot sex. Here's how...
Call the bomb squad
She's quietly furious, you're flummoxed. So defuse her anger in a way she understands: by talking it to death. "The key is to build towards a discussion. It doesn't matter if it's good, bad or ugly," says crisis negotiator Sergeant Scottie Frier. "If you're going to end up in a crisis again with that person, you need to have that trust."
Establish a perimeter
Start by detecting bluffs. "Women sometimes pick fights to gauge a man's level of interest and commitment," says Nancy Fagan, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance. "It might not have to do with what she's nagging about." And don't just blame monthly mood swings. "Under the anger lies the primary feelings of hurt or frustration," says sex educator Dr Charles Miron. "If you dive under the anger and deal with those buried emotions, you're more likely to get a mutually positive outcome." Your telltale sign: hostages. If she's holding back on sex, this could be serious.
Stow the loud hailer
"You want to set the tone, the mood, the tempo and the agenda of the discussion," says Robert Mayer, author of How to Win Any Argument without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming to Blows. Let her vent. If she wants to explode, throw on a bomb suit. "Nobody is going to listen to logic until the emotional part has been dealt with," says Mayer. Use eye contact to show you're listening and paraphrase her points to acknowledge that you're hearing what she's saying.
Seal the deal
"Now it becomes a co-operative effort," Frier says. Let's say your position is logical and you hold the moral high ground. "If you force something on her, you're going to end up with a bitter, resentful girlfriend," says Mayer. So cut a deal. Ask her to offer solutions. If she makes a reasonable demand, work to try and gain something from it, but start small.
