Turn Her On Tonight

Use our guide to find her secret sex spots

First rule? Slow down. Women want the lip-lock to last twice as long as you do, according to a Men’s Health online poll. Maximise your extended playtime by pinpointing her five pleasure points.

Her Lips

Target the philtrum, the central ridge of her upper lip and an area the ancient Greeks called the most erogenous zone on the body. Two major cranial nerves are close to the surface here, says oral surgeon Dr Cameron Clokie. Gently nibble this pouty point to release oxytocin, the same hormone unleashed during her orgasm,says Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University.

Her Jaw

A slow circuit around her neck and jawline pumps up her pleasure. One twist: hum softly as you plant kisses along her jaw. You’ll send a chorus of euphoric vibrations along the bone and into her inner ear. This audio-erotic move also stimulates the skin’s Pacinian corpuscles, which release calmingendorphins, says Thomas Swift, president of the American Academy of Neurology.

Her Tongue

Tongue helicopters are for school kids. Help her leave the launch pad by teasing the nerve-dense tip of her tongue. Nerves there release the arousal-inducing neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, says Clokie. Vary your lingual caresses with light, lips-only clenches of her tongue tip.

Her Neck

Massaging her hairline at the nape, moving from her hair to her bare neck, doubles her pleasure. You’re stroking the junction of two different tissue types, says Clokie. Working this border region sets off two separate sensations that meld into a single, mind-blowing message to her brain: more.

Her Clavicle

Kissing her collarbone is a classic move. But most guys focus on the outer regions and miss the passion-laced centre. “The densest nerve region is where her clavicle connects to her sternum,” says Swift.
Slowly kiss your way to this nerve centre to produce a progressive passion build-up.

Ace Your Approach

Beach bombshell Brooklyn Decker knows what catches a woman’s eye.

Bad news: “women don’t need men,”says Brooklyn Decker, aspiring actress and Sports Illustrated US swimsuit cover model. Now the
Good news: “a woman is with a man because she chooses to be.”and this woman picked andy roddick, the lucky guy. Follow her noes to reach a yes.

No rehearsalsIf you score a woman’s phone number, don’t overthink your lines before phoning. “Guys need to make themselves vulnerable, and calling is a good way to do that,”she says. “It’s scary to make contact.” But think of it this way: she’s nervous during the call, and she knows you are, too. If you’re too smooth, you’ll sound like she has no effect on you–and she wants to affect you.

No solos“If a man goes up to a woman by himself, she expects things to become awkward,” Decker says. “Eventually he’ll run out of things to talk about, or try too hard to hit on her.”So bring a friend or two, and approach a woman only when she’s in a group of similar size. A team disperses the attention and lowers the stakes. “Plus,we learn a lot about a man based on the company he keeps,” Decker says.

No rest“People in relationships can become lazy,” Decker says. And if your routine turns boring, she might find you boring, too. So surprise her with an outing–a hike, say, or a day of rock climbing. “Enduring a physically exhausting activity together is away to bond and keep you healthy,” she says. “Couples who play together stay together.”Can’t argue with that.

Make Lust Last

Build strong bonds,and better sex will follow

It’s been well documented that married people have sex more often than single people do. But it’s not always great sex. If you’re looking to recapture the manic sexual frenzy of your first months together, fluffy handcuffs and herbal supplements just won’t cut it. In fact, you’ll probably feel just as stymied as you did before you tried to amp up the action, says Dr Sandra Scantling, a certified sex therapist.

“People think lust is a prerequisite for having great sex, but it’s just one biological piece of attraction,” she cautions. So what will elevate the ecstasy? Simply being up close and personal, in the share-nearly anything, build-rock-solid-trust sense. “Comfort is the best aphrodisiac,” Scantling says. “It’s about the lasting experience of connection.” Dive into this guide to keep your physical and emotional bonds strong, and you’ll never fear stumbling into a long-term sex rut.

Track the good timesOne way to combat the common trap of longterm boredom is to make sure you’re always using your baseline affection as a springboard for exploration and adventure. In a recent University of North Carolina study, people who felt that their partners appreciated them expressedmore satisfaction with
their relationship. “The key is to cultivate a ‘beginner’s mind’ and look at each other from a fresh perspective,” Scantling says.

Your moveMake a list of five to 10 qualities you admire most in your partner. Then, each time you notice one of those qualities in her behaviour, let her know how much you value it. As she senses your efforts at showing appreciation, she’ll likely respond in kind – and both of you will be happier for it. Another strategy: start using that vast backlog of digital photos you’ve been taking and collaborate on a photo album. Do it oldschool, printed-picture-style, in a way that memorialises the funniest and best times you’ve had together. Dr Doris Bazzini found that couples who laughed and reminisced about good times were more likely to feel more satisfied with their relationship.

Become a sculptorAman who’s in a long-term relationship sometimes says of his partner, “She brings out the best in me.” That’s actually true. In the best relationships, partners support and encourage each other in ways that help both of them become the people they want to be. Summarising results from recent studies, psychologist Dr Eli Finkel concluded that the more each partner promotes the other’s ideal self, the better a relationship functions and the happier both partners are. Researchers call this the “Michelangelo phenomenon”, because the famed Renaissance sculptor described his artistry as releasing the sculpture residing in a block of stone.
Your move Map out long-term goals for yourselves. Doing this allows you to help each other without adding unnecessary pressure. (It’s remarkably easy to go from gently prodding your unemployed partner to apply for jobs to berating her because she’s not taking the exact steps you think she should be taking.) Spend time once or twice a year going over those goals. That way you can gain a more specific idea of the kind of encouragement your partner actuallywants. Try asking straight out, “What’s the best way I can help you?” For instance, if she already has a job but secretly harbours dreams of switching her career to nursing, she might appreciate a gentle reminder about registering for night classes or a celebratory dinner when she does well on a big project.

Trick your brainWhen youfirst fall in love, your brain teems with a cocktail of addictive love chemicals. Brain scans of men and women in the throes of new love reveal high activity in the brain’s caudate section – the area responsible for cravings – in addition to its ventral tegmental zone, which produces dopamine. That’s the same powerful neurotransmitter that floods the brains of people who are high on drugs. Of course, a drug-fuelled high doesn’t last forever, and dopamine levels tend to slide once you’re deep into a relationship. But another chemical, oxytocin – a pituitarygland hormone that promotes sexual arousal and bonding, and elicits feelings of attachment and security – takes over as the relationship progresses. It continues to be released long after the initial dopamine high has worn off.

Your move Your goal is to stimulate oxytocin production. That’s an incredibly unsexy way of saying “cuddle and have sex as often as possible”, because in reality, both activities produce the hormone. It might seem like a backward approach, but having sex canmake the romantic side of your relationship sizzle, says social neuroscientist Dr Bianca Acevedo. “The neural circuitry used for sex overlaps with the circuitry for pair bonding,” she says. One easy way to carve out more time together is to head to bed half an hour earlier than you normally would. This gives the two of you the chance to focus exclusively on each other with no outside distractions. So turn off the telly and head to the beadroom. Worried about missing that big game? Invest in a PVR. Then you’ll never be derailed by the thought of missing the final score.

Spill your gutsThe strong, silent stereotype is the last thing you want to embrace when it comes to building a lasting bond with your partner. In fact, improving your communication skills may have the added benefit of boosting your sex life. In a 2008 couples study at Texas A&M University, researchers analysed each man’s willingness to disclose exactly what he was feeling, as well as the empathy he displayed towards his partner while she was talking. Men who scored well in both categories felt greater intimacy with their partners later on – a feeling that was reciprocated by their grateful mates. “When you see that she treats you well when you are vulnerable, you feel warmer towards her,” says psychologist Dr Seth Meyers, author of Dr Seth’s Love Prescription (R199 Kalahari.net). “In turn, when she knows that you trust her enough to be vulnerable around her, she feels more connected to you.”

Your move
Every day, start at least one conversation with your partner about a topic that interests both of you. It can be about anything, fromyour favourite comedy series to your desire to travel the world with her someday. Don’t think of this as a duty but as a way of enjoying the time you spend with her evenmore. “Do your best to make it fun. And don’t force the communication – it will flow organically if your priority is to make each other feel tended to and comfortable,” Meyers says. If you can’t think of anything to chat about right off the bat, he suggests finding a couples quiz in a magazine or online, and taking it together as you watch television or eat dinner. “The point is to find vehicles to start the two of you talking.”

What She's Really Thinking

Of course you don’t understand women. Sometimes they can’t even explain themselves. But often their secrets are universal, like these 25 things she wishes you knew.

1 Please listen to me. Not because what I’m about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks my world.
2 Women speak a diff erent dialect than men. For example, “I’m fine means “I’m so not fine”, just as “No dessert for me” means “I’ll be polishing off yours”.
3 Remember, PMS stands for “physical and mental stress”.So let me cry freely, behave irrationally and eat your dessert. My mood swings are hormonal, not personal.
4 Manicures and pedicures are a woman’s gift to her man.I love looking pretty for you. The time to worry is when I stop going for them.
5 Always tell me when I look hot;
never tell me when I don’t. And don’t forget:
I need 20 compliments to offset one thoughtless remark.
6 I remember the shirt you were wearing when you first said, “I love you”. The fact that you don’t makes me question whether you meant it.
7 I loved you long before I told you. Playing the waiting game is in a woman’s DNA.
8 Of course you’re the best lover I’ve ever had.
All others cease to exist
when I fall in love.
9 I’ll never tell you my true number. Never, never, never! Besides, see #8.
10 I read your horoscope every day.11 I secretly delight when the manager slips up and calls us Mr and Mrs.
12 Spontaneously kiss my neck from behind, and I might let you stay back there for a while.
13 Yes, my girlfriend knows what we did last night. We share everything, including that.
14 Make me laugh and I’m happy. Laugh at yourself and I’m all yours.
15 A little jealousy is good
if a) no kneecaps are broken and b) you don’t cross-examine me to exhaustion. The right balance shows you care, and it’s even flattering.
16 I don’t withhold sex to punish you. Sometimes I just need to be left alone, but at the same time, not left alone. And no, I can’t explain that.
17 I can, will and do fake it. Like when Gossip Girl is about to start. Would you rather I fake a headache?
18 I love sex.
With or without you, as Bono might say. My mind is fi lthier than you might think.
19 You are irresistible: freshly showered, doing something sporty or strenuous, smiling, charming the old lady next door, suited, reading the business section, DIY-ing...
20 “Do you want flowers?” kills the romantic gesture. Don’t ask, just do.
21 I’ll probably be late – because I’m preening for you. At least that’s how I reason.
My reasoning skills are phenomenal!
22 If you cheat, I may not break up with you. But you’ll wish I had.
23 I once kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry ChapStick. No, I didn’t. That’s your fantasy. Sincerely sorry.
24 Here’s how to fix
what you’re doing wrong in bed: when you go slow, go slower. When you go fast, go faster.
25 I feel lucky to have you, and I hope you feel the same. You can’t have it all unless you have someone to share it with

Watch Porn Together

Spice things up by convincing her to watch with you.

STATE YOUR CASESome women feel threatened by porn, so reassure her. Say this: “Look, I’m happy with our sex life, but let’s try this once – just for inspiration. It’s something we can enjoy together.”

GO NATURALSurgically enhanced female bodies can turn women off, so jointly peruse porn on sites like xtube.com. Find videos that use wide angles rather than genital close-ups, because full bodies (and faces in particular) help women identify with and feel like the turned-on women in the video.

FIND THE STORYPornmoviesforwomen. com has a list of womenfriendly flicks that have stories. These help give women context for sex (valuable because women tend to pair arousal with relationships) and time to ease into the sex scenes.

Take Her to Paradise

Dial up the heat on your next romantic escape with these suggestions from supermodel Selita Ebanks

t’s hard to imagine a better (or curvier) island-escape expert than Selita Ebanks. The 27-year-old Victoria’s Secret model has frolicked half-naked everywhere from the powdery beaches of Los Roques to the sugary sands of Virgin Gorda. In fact, she’s from the Caribbean. Ebanks was born on Grand Cayman and still calls it home. Her advice for men is simple: wherever you’re going and whatever you’re doing, focus on her comfort. That means bringing her breakfast in bed, finding that beach where you have total skinny-dipping privacy and, if you’re snorkelling, not letting a stingray give her a hickey. “Comfort is a feeling,” says Ebanks. “The right man can make you feel comfortable wherever you are – and that’s sexy.” Turn the page to learn how.

1 Bring protectionBe prepared for the tropical sun and insects. “I love Clarins sunscreen (R140 Edgars) – it smells great,” says Ebanks. She warns that bugs can ruin not only the mood, but the whole holiday. “There’ll be no romance if she’s being bitten all the time.” Pack proven long-lasting repellant (try Badger Anti-bug Balm R60 Edgars). And ask your hotel to put up a mosquito net in your room, she recommends, for added protection – and ambience.

2 Sleep near the fishes“Ask her where she’d like to go,” Ebanks says. “If you plan together, you’re more likely to have a trip you’ll both enjoy.” She is partial to the following romantic criteria for a destination: you can see and hear the ocean from your room, it feels secluded and it serves fresh local food. “Also, go somewhere where children are not allowed. You can hug or kiss without any inhibitions.”

3 Be adventurous“The hardest places to reach are often the most beautiful,” she says. Like Little Dix Bay, in the British Virgin Islands. “You take two planes and then a boat. Can’t afford the plane fare? Then try skinny-dipping.” Ebanks has never hooked up on a beach, but if your passions overflow, a better option would be to move foreplay to the waves: “No sand, no bugs, greater privacy.”

4 Unplug everythingYou’ve heard it before, but it’s worth repeating: “A BlackBerry can be the death of a trip, and I know this from experience,” says Ebanks. “Your thumbs are supposed to be on her back giving her a massage, not tapping out messages.” You should make a pact to forgo any mention of work or business. That means treating your smartphones and laptops as if they were weapons. Ask the hotel staff to lock them up.

5 Cover her upSmall gestures go a long way. Pop champagne, rub her down and run her a bath, recommends Ebanks. Or surprise your partner by giving her a new beach cover-up. “Accessorize always has a great selection in summer colours,” says Women’s Health’s fashion sylist Mari Groenwald. Or find a locally-made sarong – it would be a souvenir. Makes sense: if you give, you can remove.

Don’t Hit Send!

The following are real messages sent by or to men’s Health readers. These guys blew it. Learn from their mistakes before you type again.

The situation

Jane and Mark have been dating for a year.

Jane OMG. It is so weird. I was waiting for my train and I gave to this guy playing on the guitar. He then pointed and said this one is for you and started singing and playing “our song”!!! Then I was in the lift and the same song came on! Can you believe it?! [1]

Mark haha ok [2]

1] When your girlfriend sends you a long story, don’t just pass it off as a product of her chatty nature (even if that’s the case). She’s expecting reciprocation. A lame response to a long story is the second-ranking SMS pet peeve among women, according to a Women’s Health survey of 1 061 women. (Their biggest problem: “Taking forever to respond.”) Reply with a thought or a question that’s at least half as long as her SMS was. Otherwise, the exchange dead-ends and she may wonder if you did it intentionally.

[2] Busy? Just say so; it’s far better than responding half-heartedly. “Women interpret SMSs based on the situation in which you’re sending them,” says Dr John Suler, a professor of psychology at Rider University, who has studied text messaging. “Don’t keep her guessing about where you are or what you’re doing at the moment.” If you just dash off a reply, she could become unnecessarily suspicious.

Sarah is trying to make plans with her boyfriend, Scott.

Sarah hey how was working out? I thought you were gonna call? [1]

Scott ja im driving tho. hows the party goin? [2]

Sarah we’re just listening to Nineties music and complaining about work, lol. we need to do something! it’s about time you got here, sir!

Scott hahaa cool

Sarah cool? are you even paying attention? [3]

Scott sounds like u’re havin fun. listen im gonna go shower [4]

Sarah great, well thanks for keeping us waiting and keeping us updated on what the hell is going on. if you feel like you want to talk like adults then call me, otherwise have a good night.

[1] If you’re making plans, call. The Women’s Health survey found that 79 percent of women prefer to talk about plans, not SMS them.
[2] Never text while driving. Danger!
[3] One misunderstood SMS can trigger a series of increasingly frustrating exchanges. If you’re being breezy and she doesn’t realise, back up – fast.
[4] Before ending a conversation, answer all her questions. When SMSs end abruptly, people feel ostracised and report lower levels of belonging, a study in the journal Group Dynamics found.

Chloe and Jason are fighting, and then hang up to cool off .

Jason I loved you. I hate you now. I did everything for you. I picked you up you were stranded at the airport. I consoled you when your parents divorced. I gave you gifts. I bought you expensive things. You used me and you disposed of me – I am nothing to you because all you care about is yourself. You are a slut and a whore. [1] J

about two minutes later. . .

Jason I love you. I want us to be together. I am sorry I did not really mean that. [2]

[1] Those words aren’t going away soon. And it happens too often: 70 percent of women we surveyed have fought over SMS, and 52 percent have sent hurtful or mean comments that they regretted later. If she snaps at you, avoid a fi ght by not snapping back. [2] SMSing lowers your inhibitions, Suler says. “It makes you feel like you can send a message and then run away.” But the consequences will catch up with you. Before you hit “send”, think about how she’ll react.
Imagining her response can stop you.

Phil scores Nicky’s number, but never makes it past this exchange.

Phil Hi it is Phil from the gym, how soon would you like to get together for tea and  coffee or something? [1]


about two hours later. . .

Nicky Hey Phil, how are you doing? Coffee or tea sounds great. But, I should tell you that I am dating someone although it is not exclusive, I just wanted to be upfront, because I’d like to get to know you.

about two hours later. . .

Phil I am good just studying with a friend. I was thinking coffee tomorrow evening. Does that sound good? [2]

[1] Want to appeal to her? Talk like her. Unlike many men, women tend to use SMSs to foster emotional connections (as Nicky did), according to UK researchers. So open with a funny story or by telling her something personal. You can schedule later. [2] Reply to everything she says. Women expect the same feedback from texts as from face-to-face conversations, says Yates. “If men ignore key bits of messages and emotional openings, that’s just rude,” he says.


FACEBOOK
Your Early-relationship Facebook Strategy
You start dating a woman. You check her page – scan her photos, admire the one of her in a bikini, and... hey, who’s that dude? And who’s the guy she friended today? Watch yourself: checking the Facebook page of the person you’re dating often leads to jealousy and suspicion, notes a 2009 study in Cyber Psychology and Behaviour, because you may assume the worst about things you see and have no context for. “Talk to her about what’s on there that makes you uncomfortable”, says Amy Muise, the study’s lead author. Or better yet, don’t check her page. Catch up with her in person.