How to meet your match

How’s this for defeating a purpose: dating lots of women can hurt your search for The One. When prospects are lentiful, “at the first sign of a problem, men often move on to the next woman, instead of dealing with it,” says Dr Susan Campbell, author of Truth in Dating. Sound familiar? Make some changes...

YOU'RE SETTING A BUDGET
“If you go into a date thinking, How much money am I going to spend? You’re sabotaging yourself,” says Bill Horst, a leading professional matchmaker.

The fix
It’s fine to go on free or cheap dates. Taking money out of the equation will put the emphasis back on getting to know someone new. Try a walk on the beach.

YOU HAVE NO FEMALE FRIENDS
People often meet through mutual friends. So you need girl friends for dating back up.

The fix
If you’re not into her, kindly say you just want to be friends. If you impress her with your charm, you might meet her hot roommate.

YOU SCREEN HER CALLS
“If you stop communicating with someone for no clear reason, there’s obviously a problem,” Campbell says. Be cautious: this is often a prelude to eternal bachelorhood.

The fix
Practise dealing with difficult situations, advises Campbell. If a woman says something that turns you off, tell her why it bothered you and deal with it.

Unhealthy living behaviour

Statistics that can save your relationship and your life

1. LACK OF A SOCIAL LIFE
On average, couples spend 14.8 hours of quality time per week with spouses or partners. When you’re living together there seems to be an unsaid rule that you and your partner operate as a unit. You’re somehow expected to do everything together, and you find that you’re the only guy with a girlfriend at the year-end function. The essential paradox of intimacy and sex: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Tell her she deserves a night out with her girls and get her to sign your permission slip and go out with your boys.

2. ASKING “STUPID” QUESTIONS
No female on Earth gets ready in less than 10 minutes. Thirty-five percent spend between 15 and 30 minutes and 40 percent get done between 40 minutes and an hour. So stop asking, “Are you ready yet?”

3. CLEAN BREAK
Sixty-six percent of women expect their partner to do half the housework. Tip, hire a maid or start cleaning.

4. LISTEN TO HER
Women want men to listen. Let her share her good and bad times with you. Be there, rather than just promising to be there. If your girl is trying to talk to you, give her your full attention. If you do, you’ll make her feel that she matters. Which can only have good benefits for you.

Your golden tongue

How to have a great conversation with a woman

“WHAT DO YOU DO HERE IN [INSERT CITY]?”
This gives her a chance to talk about herself, and gives you a chance to see what makes her tick. And remember to respect her answer. When she informs you of her proctology residency, assume she’s already been the butt of every heinie joke from here to Uranus.

“YOU HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE.”
Casually refer to a non-sexually focused physical trait that you find captivating to set her juices aflow. Opt for the oft overlooked: hair, skin, hands, smile. Avoid anything that sets you up as a fetishist, like “nice feet” or “what clavicles!” And keep it simple. Leave the limpid pools to dead poets.

“WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE NOT . . .”
Another fast way to jump-start talk. And you’ll set yourself apart from the last guy by (1) remembering what she does in the first place and (2) acknowledging that she probably does something besides wear shiny, wet lip gloss really, really well.

“LET’S JUST SAY SCIENCE WASN’T MY STRENGTH.”
Yes, boys, the humble man who isn’t afraid to admit he has a couple of minor weaknesses is unbelievably sexy – if it’s not overdone. If possible, follow up such admissions with a strong point, like “but I can cook a mean chilli”. This is not, however, permission to start listing all the things you suck at. Be prudent.


“DID YOU READ ABOUT THAT NEW CAR THAT RUNS ON CHINESE FOOD AND BEER?”
Talk about something you read, saw or experienced recently. Current events are ripe fodder for interesting conversation, but keep it light and avoid no-winners like politics and religion. And anything having to do with you or your buddy’s bodily functions.

Know what she is thinking

Hands up if you think you’re good in bed. That’s wonderful. But can you make a girl come without taking your trousers off while telling her how hot she is? It’s a skill womankind will thank you for – over and over again. “Fingering” isn’t the nicest word in the sex dictionary, but to be good at it shows a woman you’re a master of the carnal arts. All you need is a pair of hands and to know when – and how – to deploy them.


YOU’RE KISSING, BUT SOMEHOW SHE DOESN’T SEEM TO BE INTO IT

SHE'S THINKING
This a bit same-old, same old. It’s a shame he can’t shake it up a little. Where you put your hands during a kiss can make or break the experience for her. Sometimes it’s not your mouth or tongue that send quivers down her spine, but the location of your hands. So try sliding your hand up and down the sides of her upper body.

You're in her

YOU’RE THRUSTING YOUR FINGERS AS DEEP INSIDE HER AS YOU CAN

SHE'S THINKING
I can’t feel that. How many times have you been told not to play in the deep end? Only the outer third of the vagina has many nerve endings; deeper inside there’s virtually no sensation at all, so all your efforts to go deeper won’t have much effect. You can, however, try to stimulate her G-spot, a bundle of nerves about four centimetres up the front wall of her vagina. It doesn’t do it for all women, but try rubbing your finger over the area or pressing down on it gently. And don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t have the desired effect of helping her orgasm – instead, focus your attention on the first two centimetres of her vaginal canal, where she has more sensation.

You're playing with her

YOU’RE HAPPILY PLAYING WITH HER MAGIC BUTTON

SHE'S THINKING
Fill me up. It’s all too easy to focus on the clitoris and forget to pleasure her elsewhere. So while you’re flicking her joy switch, use your other hand to stimulate her vaginal lips and vaginal canal. Slide your middle finger gently inside her as you use your other fingers on her clitoris, or use your thumb if it’s easier. Use the same rhythm on her clitoris that you use inside her and make sure that you give her lips and outer third of her vaginal canal lots of exciting stimulation.

Say the right thing

Any man can comfort a woman when she’s having a rough time. But new research shows that it’s how you react to the good news in her life that truly reveals the strength of a relationship. Reacting positively – even if you’re jealous or have misgivings – shows how well you understand your partner, says Dr Shelly Gable, a psychologist at the University of California at Santa Barbara. Researchers videotaped couples sharing good and bad news. Those who reacted well to good news were more likely to still be together two months later. If you’re not thrilled with her new promotion, with its longer hours and travel, focus on what you are happy about and tell her you’re proud of her, Gable says. Wait until later to bring up your reservations.