Last man standing

Don't rush things. Learn these tricks to prolong your bed time and make your evenings long and satisfying, for you and her

1. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail

You never thought we'd advocate a marathon solo wrist recital but there is nothing like a bit of solo sex to get you well prepared for the real thing. "The key is to control your orgasm and keep yourself at the point of hardness and excitement for at least 15 minutes," says Michael Castleman, author of Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Principles of Total-Body Sex.

2. Set the scene

You can magic your Johnson by changing your environment, according to Emily Dubberley, editor of Scarlet, a sex magazine for women. "Men respond primarily to visual stimuli, like a change of location, a porn film or her outfit." But she's more likely to respond to you stimulating her imagination. Buy any book of erotic literature (try anything by Kerri Sharp) to read together and uncage her inner nympho.

3. Massage your figure

It's seconds out for the second round, but your jab has lost its potency. Get her to give you a rub-down with some massage oils. "Relieving tension in your muscles helps decrease anxiety, a factor in secondary erections," says Dubberley.

4. Pop up

Before you search for Viagra, have some shellfish. Oyster powder is zinc-rich, which helps your body produce the hard-on hormone testosterone.

5. Get hands on

"Some men find that holding their testicles down helps them last for longer," says Castleman. Ask your missus to do it. Gently.

6. Get fruity

Reach for the strawberries, peaches and mangoes - they're all rich in boron, "which will help your body turn the calcium in your diet into rampant, Hefner-esque lust", according to Fiona Marshall, author of Natural Aphrodisiacs.

Beer goggles

Researchers gave drinks to heterosexual men and women (some received nonalcoholic placebos), then had them rate faces on a computer screen. No surprise here: the tipsy people tended to find the faces more attractive than the sober ones did. But there’s more. Tipsy men and women also tended to rate people of their own sex as attractive. The effect persists for up to 24 hours in males, but dissipates among females.

Ask her into bed

Questions that lead to intimacy

1. “WHAT’S THE CRAZIEST THING YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF DOING?”

Knowing that you’re curious about her goals and aspirations makes her feel special. And getting her to confide her dreams makes her think of risk, excitement and a little danger. “All these thoughts activate adrenaline and increase sexual desire,” says sex coach Danielle Cavallucci.

2. “WHATARE YOUR RECURRING DREAMS?”

This is a great question to gauge where you are with her, says sex therapist Eric Garrison. Watch her body language when she answers. If she says she always dreams that she’s in a play and doesn’t know her lines, and then crosses her arms, back off a bit. Crossed arms are closed emotional doors. Ask her what she thinks the dream means, as you open up your posture and invite her answer. To keep the conversation more fun than Freud, watch her facial expression. “Eyebrows up conveys non-threatening curiosity – sexy,” says Garrison. “Eyebrows down conveys judgement – scary.”

3. “WHAT’S THE BIGGEST THING YOUR PARENTS DIDN’T UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOU?”

Questions like this are dating gold. “You’re sending the message that you’ll go beyond the obvious when connecting with her,” says psychologist Dr Marianne Brandon. This suggests you might be similarly open sexually, which is hot.

Shellfish lover

One legend regularly trotted out is that Venetian playboy Casanova would eat 50 oysters a day to keep his libido buzzing like the Energizer Bunny. And while we’re not suggesting a similar diet will turn you into an overnight libertine, there’s definitely substance here.

How it works
The link between oysters and sperm-replenishing zinc is well established, but the American Chemical Society reports oysters are also rich in rare amino acids that raise levels of sex hormones. “You can’t just find these in a health-food shop,” explains George Fisher, a professor of chemistry at Barry University in Miami, who led the research. In his study, rats injected with the oyster chemicals recorded higher levels of testosterone in males and progesterone in females. “Increased levels of these hormones means you are going to be more sexually dynamic,” Fisher claims. So by all means splash out if you’re in the mood; just no jokes about pearl necklaces, please.

Role playing

Role playing can lead to the best sex of your life.

THE GUIDELINES
Apparently I’d done pretty well for a rookie. When I talked to Dr Brian Mustanski, a sex researcher at the University of Illinois at Chicago, he offered a few suggestions.

Timing
Raise the idea in context. Play off a movie you’ve watched – say, The Graduate. Wonder aloud what it would be like to sleep with Mrs Robinson. “The best thing is if you get her to see the scenario as her idea,” Haltzman says. Lift a line: “Mrs Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me!” See what happens.

Flattery
Start with “something positive and complimentary, like ‘I think you’re really sexy,’” Mustanski says. “Then say, maybe, ‘I’ve been having this fantasy lately. How would you feel about trying it?’” Never mention boredom!

Pacing
Don’t be in a hurry. “Start off slowly,” Zamboni says, “giving each person permission to laugh. Pretend. You may not be dressing up like a doctor, but you can talk like one and go in and out of the role as you please. Be spontaneous. Explore. And remember, there’s no right way to do it. Have fun and a sense of humour.”

Technology
“A few years ago,” says a friend, Anna, “I wasn’t quite ready to role play in real life. So I started out by doing some online role playing. It was the perfect way to go, because I could explore my own preferences anonymously and without any pressure.” Anna says she and her boyfriend have used role playing from the start. “Maybe the first date isn’t the time or place to bring up ball gags,” she says, “but I started hinting as soon as we began taking our relationship to a sexual level. I wouldn’t want to find out years into a relationship that my boyfriend had been wanting to role play all along.” Ivy and I proceeded gradually. Usually we’d begin with a story and only move into the role playing several sessions later. “We took baby steps,” Ivy says. “And I enjoyed every little hurdle. Taking another step, pushing it a little – that’s the best part.” Butterflies can be a good thing; being nervous makes the role playing even better.

Your prescription: sex

A romp in the sack can improve short-term brain function and long-term psychological health, thanks to the release of pleasure hormones, say British researchers. But the benefits don’t stop there. Having sex twice a week will…

1. Bolster your Immune system
You’ll experience a spike in immunoglobulin A, an antibody that can fight off respiratory and stomach infections.

2. Cut your Prostatecancer risk
The more you ejaculate, the more carcinogens you’ll flush out of your sex gland, say Australian researchers.

3. Halve your risk of a fatal heart attack
Sex causes a surge in testosterone, a hormone that helps protect your heart from stress.

4. Ignite your fat burners
During a passionate bout of sex, men use 143 muscles and torch as many kilojoules as during a 15-minute jog.

5. De-stress your mind
After orgasm, your body releases oxytocin, a hormone that acts as a natural anti anxiety drug.

Pop your cherries

It’s a misconception that for a foodstuff to make you strong like bull it must have once trotted around a farmyard with a healthy pulse. Not so. Red meat is good, sure, it just doesn’t have a monopoly on boners. But don’t be disappointed: we’ll wager that your five-a-day sounds a good deal more appetising when you hear that certain fruits boast the dual benefit of keeping your end up. Yup, raising your intake of cherries, pomegranates and figs will give you a rise in other areas, too.

How it works
Researchers at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine examined the cholesterol levels and sex lives of 3 250 men over age 24, finding that as cholesterol rises so does his likelihood of erectile dysfunction. So the key to boosting your body’s natural love-making hydraulics is to eat foods that lower it. Many fruits and berries, especially red ones, are high in beneficial plant compounds called phytonutrients, which are effective in reducing cholesterol and, by extension, giving you the horn. And yes, that does mean red wine works, too. Go on, light some smelly candles and crack open a bottle.