5 steps to getting the girl. It’s all about managing body chemistry…1. first meeting
Your reaction It’s not just your mates’ envious glances making you feel good. “Flirting stimulates the production of dopamine, the body’s ‘reward’ chemical,” says Siski Green, author of How To Blow Her Mind In Bed. “The University of São Paulo in Brazil found this makes you more focused and goal-orientated. You’ll also produce extra testosterone to give you a competitive edge.”
Her reaction “University of Iowa research found flirting affects her differently,” says Tracey Cox, author of Superflirt. “The limbic system takes over, making her act on instinct rather than rationally. This hormone hit makes her blush, and touch her neck, mouth and lips.”
Better loving through chemistry Studies at Carnegie Mellon University in the US found that the testosterone boost makes you so goal-orientated you’re likely to blow your chances by moving too fast. “Work on boosting her levels of oxytocin,” says Dr John Gray, author of Why Mars and Venus Collide. “This ‘bonding’ chemical will make her feel closer to you, and the easiest way to boost it is by complimenting her.”
Want to add more chemicals to the amorous cocktail? “Sugar raises her levels of serotonin,” says nutritionist Melanie Flower. So grab the cocktail menu, and look for something chocolatey. “Hull York Medical School found chocolate raises serotonin levels and contains phenylethylamine (PEA) – responsible for attraction,” says Green. “University of Sussex studies confirm chocolate makes women aroused, which she’ll put down to being with you.”
A bad first kiss reduces your chances of getting sex by 50 percent.
2 first date
Your reaction She walks in to the bar and your stomach drops like you’re on a roller-coaster. “Seeing her causes a PEA rush,” says Green. “This manifests itself as ‘butterflies’ and tingling hands.”
Her reaction “First-date nerves pump you both with the stress hormone cortisol,” says Green. “Too much of it can shut down nonessential functions such as sex drive and hunger.” So if she’s pushing food round her plate, you could be getting the push later.
Better loving through chemistry US studies at Lafayette College found kissing reduces cortisol and boosts bonding oxytocin, so give her a peck on the cheek. And, according to research at Stony Brook University in the US, just a little nervousness can actually increase attraction. “People are more likely to feel aroused when they’re nervous,” says researcher Dr Arthur Aron. “And you tag that arousal to the person sitting in front of you.” “You can also increase her PEA levels through eye contact,” says Cox. “Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin found couples who are in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking. Mimic this and her brain will associate you with love.”
Men need five dates to fall in love; women need 10
3. first kiss
Your reaction By now we’re talking about the real thing, not a peck. You only get one, so make it count. “The first kiss involves a complex information exchange,” says University of Albany evolutionary psychologist Gordon Gallup. University of California studies show men prefer kisses to be wetter and with more tongue than women. This could be because a man’s saliva contains testosterone, which increases a woman’s desire.
Her reaction “Women subconsciously judge your genetic compatibility, using clues like taste, breath and body odour. A bad first kiss makes her 50 percent less likely to have sex with you,” says Gallup.
Better loving through chemistry Signal to her that you’re more than just a one-night stand. Scientists at Ruhr University of Bochum in Germany found tilting your head to the right while kissing means you’re perceived as being more caring. Also, don’t suck mints: the University of Albany in the US found that any odour can be interpreted as disease. Go for green tea, instead. Studies by the University of British Columbia in Vancouver found it was the best way to kill off bacteria that cause your breath to stink. Plus, it doesn’t smell strongly.
4. first time you have sex
Your reaction Things change quite dramatically once the deed is done: “Dopamine levels drop dramatically in men,” says Marnia Robinson, author of Peace Between the Sheets, “causing you to lose sexual desire and actually find her less attractive.” What you really want to do at this point is snooze. “Oxytocin, serotonin and prolactin released after orgasm encourage sleep,” says Mark Leyner, co-author of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex.
Her reaction “During sex, oxytocin and vasopressin are released, hormones associated with bonding, commitment and trust,” says Dr Barry Gibb of University College London, and author of The Rough Guide To the Brain. But there’s a twist. “Oestrogen increases oxytocin’s effects, while testosterone decreases them,” says Susan Kuchinskas, author of Love Chemistry. “After one night of sex, a woman will feel much more bonded than a man.”
Better loving through chemistry “Forcing yourself to stay in close contact after sex – think post-coital cuddle – boosts your oxytocin levels as they’re elevated by touch,” says Green. This counteracts the drop in dopamine, making you more inclined to bond, satisfying her emotional needs and upping your chances of a repeat performance.
5. you’ve said those three little words...
Your reaction A survey by UK dating company Parship says by date five you’re head over heels. “Men fall in love almost twice as quickly as women,” says psychiatrist Dr Victoria Lukats. But you’re not all romance. “For men, love looks more like lust, with extra brain activity in areas associated with arousal. Your dopamine levels also rise, boosting energy and mood,” says Dr Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, New Jersey. But University of Pisa studies found that your testosterone levels drop 40 percent: nature’s way of stopping you straying.
Her reaction She’s not sure. The Parship survey found that women need 10 dates before falling in love. “The brains of women in love show activity in emotional areas,” says Fisher. “And in memory regions. So past behaviour is obviously a factor.”
Better loving through chemistry “Little things score big: take out the rubbish, wash up, hug her – it’ll make her feel loved,” says Gray. And use her focus on memories. “Remind her of nice things you’ve done,” says Green. “When she’s at work, email her a photo of you both on a day out.” Just make sure it’s not of that time you convinced her a guided tour of the Sutherland Observatory would be a great “bonding” experience.
