Men are wonderful

Next time a woman tells you that men are slime, refute her claim by citing new research found that men are more likely than women to put their partners’ happiness ahead of their own. This unremarkable conclusion came after a survey of altruistic tendencies among 1 300 men and women. True, the study found that women are more altruistic and empathetic in virtually all other areas of life, but that’s not the subject here. “Women are more empathetic toward abstract humanity – ‘strangers’ or ‘poor people’,” says study author Dr Tom Smith, “while men’s altruism is more focused on their intimate others.” Another finding: people who put the welfare of significant others ahead of their own were 17 percent more likely to describe themselves as happy in their marriages.

Is she's holding out?

You meet. She flirts. She touches your arm. You're totally in, right? Maybe not. A woman tends to flirt while she's deciding whether or not she likes you. Her flirting isn't a tease, it's an evolution-driven effort to find out as much as possible about you before she shares her true intentions.

The caffeine effect

Invite her up for coffee – maybe she’ll stick around. Scientists found that female rats on a caffeine buzz come back for more sex much more readily than their caffeine-free friends. Pharmacology, Biochemistry, and Behaviour reports that female rats injected with caffeine before mating came back to the male faster and stayed with him until sexually stimulated.

Passport to great sex

Buy the Men’s Health Guide To the Best Sex In the World, including a CD of steamy advice and winning techniques for you to try out. Go to www.mh.co.za/bestsexbook

Read her mood indicators

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Tunes to turn her on

There’s a scene in The Italian Job where the gang discuss what they’re going to do with their share of the loot. Answers vary from the usual (fast cars), to a room full of shoes. But Lyle (Seth Green) dreams of buying a sound system so powerful it will blow the clothes off of a girl. Sadly, that kind of bass-beat power doesn’t exist. Well, not legally anyway. Music is, however, a great way to set (or enhance) the mood and hush out any sounds that might bring the nosy neighbours knocking. Here’s our seduction selection.

- Café Del Mar Volumen Ocho (the whole album). Great mood-setter. Get out the candles and massage oil.

- Ben Harper, “Steal my kisses”, from Burn To Shine. She’s wearing your boxers and a T-shirt and is spoiling for a pillow fight.

- Finley Quaye, “Your love gets sweeter everyday”, from Maverick a Strike. It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon and you know she’s the one.

- Collective Soul Dosage (the whole album). It’s been a big night out and you can’t find anything else.

- John Mayer, “Your body is a wonderland”, from Room For Squares. The titles’s enough reason, but just listen to the lyrics buddy.

- Ray LaMontagne Trouble (the whole album). Slow, sensual and beautiful. She’s got culture... and you pretend to have.

- Lady Gaga, “Just Dance” from The Fame. It’s Valentine’s Day. You’ve bought her kinky knickers and she’s keen to dance.

- Barry White, the whole catalogue. Just kidding. Unless you were born before 1955, leave this old crooner out of the bedroom.

3 steps to her satisfaction

The lack of female orgasm is more common than you think. And there are ways to coax it out of hiding.

1. Play it safe A woman is more likely to be orgasmic if she feels safe with herself and with you. So build emotional trust. Don’t bully her into doing things she’s not comfortable with, and use condoms and/or birth control if pregnancy or sexual health is a concern.

2. Try this trick Use the following tantric ritual from Jonti Searll to create a space of intimacy and safety. Start by lighting candles, putting on soft music and sitting opposite each other. Look into one another’s eyes – it’s very important to maintain eye contact – and put your hands up, palms against palms, fingers touching. Softly, slowly, start to move your hands, as if they’re dancing. Touch your palms, fingers, knuckles, the back of your hands, the space between your fingers.

Take your time. After about five minutes, let your partner lie down with her head in your lap. Gently stroke her face for five or 10 minutes. Then let her do the same for you. The point is to create a different space for a different experience. No pressure, no rush, no goal.

3. Enlist an expert If there are deep psychological issues at play, like a history of sexual or emotional abuse, or perhaps poor body image, you could be out of your depth. Encourage your partner to work through it with a professional. Go with her if she wants you to, but let her take the lead. Don’t push, just be supportive.