Meet Miss Right today

1. Strike up conversations with 10 strangers a day.
You’ll build up immunity to rejection and practise ice-breakers and snappy responses. So when a woman comes into range, muscle memory will kick in, says dating coach Nancy Slotnick.

2. Carry a neighbour’s shopping bags.
This much we know is true: women have friends. We also know that women like to fix people up. Show that you’re a good guy, and you’ll soon start collecting numbers, says psychotherapist Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips and Secrets For Finding Romance.

3. Pretend you’ve already been introduced.
Your mindset will shift from hunting to having a casual conversation and, most importantly, she won’t see you as yet another guy hitting on her, says dating coach Evan Katz.

4. Get out of the office. On nice days, women eat lunch outside, Wolf says. Remember to turn off your cellphone and ditch the shades.

5. Don’t interrogate. She doesn’t know you, so questions are intrusive and make her feel like she’s being evaluated. You want to engage rather than gather information, so share first – “I’m the youngest of three, how about you?” – and she’ll respond comfortably, Wolf says.

Sex toys

1. ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH
Buy one just for this purpose: cover it with a sheet, turn it on and gently run the vibrating head against her inner thighs, labia and clitoris, says sex columnist Dina Al-Sabah.

2. “I RUB MY DUCKIE”
(R350, www.kalahari.net) This vibrating bath duck is good for a laugh as well as some good, clean-yet-dirty fun.

3. CELLPHONE
Send well-timed, romantic text messages to your love interest. Once you’re dating, your texts can grow a little more… interesting.

4. EXERCISE BIKE
Breaking a sweat together before you really break a sweat together can put you both in the mood.

Smooth talker

Cheesy one-liners don’t work here are five answers to improve your talent for talk

1. THE SEXY SECRETARY
“Your picture on the company website is disgusting.”

Marcia said: “That was the first thing my now-boyfriend said to me. He then immediately followed it up with ‘you’re a beautiful, sexy woman and it doesn’t do you justice’. The old ‘insult you then say a nice thing’ trick hardly ever fails. It’s surprising, it’s naughty and it implies he thinks you’re cool enough to be offended. Just don’t get the order the wrong way round, unless you’re after a slap.”


2. THE SEXY FRIEND
“I don’t want to sleep with you.”

Isobel said: “When it’s followed up with ‘I’d just like to hang out with you’, this works wonders. She’ll ask herself why you don’t want to sleep with her. All her insecurities run through her mind: is her bum too big? Her nose a little skew? Sure as can be, she will want to sleep with you just to prove to herself that she’s worth it.”


3. THE BLIND DATE
“I think you’re secretly a little mischievous.”

Katherine said: “You can’t go wrong with a good honest compliment. But never too superficial. Never talk about her figure, that’s slightly creepy. Face, clothes or hair is good. Or maybe a little curveball like ‘I think you’re secretly a little mischievous’ is unexpected, makes me feel special and has just the right element of ‘I think you would be great in bed’ in it.”


4. GIRL AT THE BAR
“If I followed you home, would you keep me?”

Lisa said: “Some slurring oaf with a half-eaten kebab for a shirt saying you’re the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on just makes you feel depressed. Even though ‘If I followed you home, would you keep me?’ is a little cheesy, that kind of spontaneous sense of humour can be the biggest aphrodisiac for a lot of single woman. It shows he’s confident and not afraid of making a fool of himself.”


5. LONG-TERM GIRLFRIEND
“I can’t wait to get you home.”

Ella said: “Whispered in the ear, this has the effect of saying to her: ‘Do you know how hard I’m finding it to concentrate without thinking of you naked, or what underwear you are, or aren’t wearing.’ And that makes you feel like the sexiest creature alive, which is hot. Of course, it’s a risky tactic on the first date.”

Defuse an explosive woman

1. Use body language. Touch her, lean forwards and maintain eye contact to show you’re involved.

2. Don’t ask “why” questions. “This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode,” says Dr Carol Ritberger. Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in “how” or “when” you can solve the problem.

3. “Don’t assume she’s basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions,” says counsellor Paula Hall. “They may just be charged with stress. And if you reckon they are based on emotion, don’t tell her.”

4. Don’t complain. “Countering her bickering with your complaints won’t work,” says psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford. “If you’re fighting to be heard, someone’s bound to lose.” It might well be you.

5. Don’t interrupt when she is talking. Actively listen to whether she uses kinaesthetic (“I feel”), auditory (“I hear”), visual (“I see”) or cognitive (“I think”) terms – and respond in her language. She’ll hear what it is you have to say more clearly.

Your new sex life?

Moving in together is the beginning of having a fabulous sex life – anywhere, any time. Living together shows a commitment to the relationship and this will help – especially her – to build closeness and connection. And being closer can only help turn your sex life from good to great. Just don’t take each other for granted now that you’re living under the same roof. Make sure you keep things adventurous in the bedroom – keep things special and you won’t fall into a rut.

Speak up for change

If you want your partner to change her behaviour, be clear and reasonable, not goofy or mushy. Researchers in New Zealand who videotaped 61 couples found that straightforward communication is more likely to lead to long-term results. A direct approach may seem to backfire at first, but works in the long run. Being indirect (using humour, for instance) can downplay your feelings. “Relying on the soft approach will leave your girlfriend unaware of the nature and severity of the problem,” says study author Dr Nickola Overall, of the University of Auckland.

What her past says

What was your wife like back at university? Women who have low intimacy levels at varsity may be more likely to divorce later in life, according to a study in Personal Relationships. When researchers at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst tracked down 167 people who had taken a psychological test 34 years earlier, they found the correlation – but only among women. Women tend to take a more active role than men in maintaining and working at a couple’s closeness, so a relationship in which the woman shows less intimacy may be more likely to falter, says study author Dr Mark Weinberger.