Help her love her body

“Tons of women have body-image issues,” says Dr Claire Rockliffe-Fidler, a psychosexual therapist in private practice in Cape Town. And the media is largely to blame. Check out any movie, magazine or newspaper: they’re dripping with drop-dead gorgeous women. We all know those pictures are the result of clever lighting, photo retouching and other tricks of the trade, but on a subliminal level many women feel they don’t match up. As a result, they feel inhibited to shed their clothes and abuse your body the way you like it.

Strategy
Make her feel good about herself so she’s able to relax into intimacy, says Rockliffe-Fidler. That’s not just about telling her she looks good. It’s also about showing her that you’re attracted to her (and not just during sex). Try a well-timed wolf whistle when she enters the room or maintain eye contact during a conversation while you smooth a strand of hair behind her ear.

Reward
If she’s comfortable in her skin, she won’t have to suck in her tummy when she’s on top or cringe when you do it doggie-style.

Special tip
If she’s too self-conscious naked, do it with some of her clothes on. It’s wildly sexy to push her skirt just high enough or fondle her breasts while she keeps her bra on.

So, where'd you meet?

Fantasy and reality don't always jibe when it comes to finding our one true love. A poll asked men and women what they consider the best ways to meet a mate. Then the poll asked couples how they actually met. The answers mostly coincide, especially in the top spot: meeting through friends. But the reality of other meeting places, notably work, isn't so romantic.

Musical pairs

Studies of men and women revealed how music taste can affect their sex life. Here's the percentage chance that fans of the following music genres have had five or more sexual partners within the past five years: 38% Hip hop, 25% Indie/rock, 14% Jazz,4% Classic, and 2% Country.

Sweet surrender

Ah, chocolate – the wench’s favourite. Unenlightened men can be forgiven for believing it’s the scourge of women who prize it second only to shoes. But this ignores the fact that chocolate benefits your sex life. Yup, a Bar One a day etc…

How it works
Chocolate contains three magic substances: caffeine, theobromine and phenylethylamine. Caffeine stimulates the senses, theobromine elevates mood, while phenylethylamine triggers the release of endorphins. And it’s worth indulging your lady her favourite treat, too. Urologists from San Raffaele hospital, Milan, found, “Women who have a daily intake of chocolate showed higher levels of desire than others.” Stop moaning, just buy her a bloody Dairy Milk.

Seduction skills

We surveyed hundreds of women to come up with a map of their most sensual trigger zones. Use it to drive her wild.

FAN THE FIRE
“Breathe on her clitoris in short, fast spurts,” says Dr Yvonne Fulbright, author ofTouch Me There! “It feels like an air vibrator.”

HIT THE RIGHT TUNE
“Cover your teeth with your lips and hum while you gently nibble her ear,” says Fulbright. “The vibrations intensify the situation.”

TRACE A PATH
Lick her in long strokes from the inside of her knee to the top of her thigh, stopping just short of the hot zone. Then kiss her lightly up the same path. “The anticipation of having you move even higher is such a turn-on,” says Britton. “Telegraphing your move beforehand heightens anticipation.”

DOUBLE HER PLEASURE
Kiss her collarbone, starting at her left shoulder, and working your way in. Mimic the movement with your fingertips on her right shoulder. “The two sensations will heighten her arousal,” says Fulbright.

Turn-on tactics

First rule? Slow down. Women want the lip-lock to last twice as long as you do, according to a Men’s Health online poll. Maximise your extended play time by pinpointing her five pleasure points. Here's our guide to her secret sex spots


HER LIPS
The move: Target the philtrum, the central ridge of her upper lip and an area the ancient Greeks called the most erogenous zone on the body. Two major cranial nerves are close to the surface here, says oral surgeon Dr Cameron Clokie. Gently nibble this pouty point to release oxytocin, the same hormone unleashed during her orgasm, says Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University.

HER JAW
The move: A slow circuit around her neck and jawline pumps up her pleasure. One twist: hum softly as you plant kisses along her jaw. You’ll send a chorus of euphoric vibrations along the bone and into her inner ear. This audio-erotic move also stimulates the skin’s Pacinian corpuscles, which release calming endorphins, says Thomas Swift, president of the American Academy of Neurology.

HER TONGUE
The move: Tongue helicopters are for school kids. Help her leave the launch pad by teasing the nerve-dense tip of her tongue. Nerves there release the arousal-inducing neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, says Clokie. Vary your lingual caresses with light, lips-only clenches of her tongue tip.

HER NECK
The move: Massaging her hairline at the nape, moving from her hair to her bare neck, doubles her pleasure. You’re stroking the junction of two different tissue types, says Clokie. Working this border region sets off two separate sensations that meld into a single, mind-blowing message to her brain: more.

HER CLAVICLE
The move: Kissing her collarbone is a classic move. But most guys focus on the outer regions and miss the passion-laced centre. “The densest nerve region is where her clavicle connects to her sternum,” says Swift. Slowly kiss your way to this nerve centre to produce a progressive passion build-up.

Seduction schedule

These five missions will push your sex life – and your relationship – to new heights. Whip out your pen and start crossing them off your to-do list

1. INVENT YOUR OWN MOVE
“Improvising new sex positions shows that you’re secure enough with each other to experiment,” says Susan Crain Bakos, author of The Orgasm Bible. You’ll both feel like sexual pioneers, creating self-confidence that will liberate your libidos.

Your assignment
Tweak your old favourites. If you both enjoy rear entry, try standing on the floor while she leans on the bed. If missionary is a standby, shift so your torso is above her head. From there, add variations until you find a move that peaks arousal for both of you.

2. DESIGNATE A NEW "HUMP DAY"
Carving out a day of erotic activity can stoke your woman’s fires. “People complain about ‘planning’ sex, but reserving this time will build anticipation all month,” says relationship therapist Michele Weiner-Davis.

Your assignment
Set aside one weekend day a month to lavish attention on each other. Take a bath together, give massages or play one-on-one strip poker.

3. MAKE A RESERVATION FOR SEX
“When you’re mired in a major life event like buying a house or even planning a vacation, the stress can do your sex life in,” says Dr Debbie Herbenick, researcher for the Kinsey Institute.

Your assignment
Tell her what you’re going to do after you carry her over the threshold of the new house or detail your intentions for the outdoor shower after your day at the beach. It’ll plant some passion packed seeds for later.

4. TAKE A SEX BREAK
Sex can be stale when it’s an assembly-line process – tab A, slot B, repeat. “You need to rebuild the sexual tension,” says Weiner-Davis.

Your assignment
Plan a sex free week (no oral action or wandering hands). After seven agonising days, both of your libidos will be through the roof. When naked time returns, extend foreplay to ramp up the excitement.

5. SQUEEZE IN A QUICKIE AT A PARTY
Sneaking away from a public gathering for your own 20-minute private party can jolt a stagnant sex life, says Dr Gloria Brame, author of Different Loving. And, even better, reminiscing about that stolen tryst can spark desire even years later.

Your assignment
At the next cocktail party, grab your girl’s hand and lead her to a secluded spot outside or even to your car. Since dryness can be a problem with on-the-fly nooky, start the fun by going down on her first.