Jumpstart your sex life

We have 32 ideas to launch a voyage of sexual discovery unlike anything you’ve seen... at least since Miranda let down her guard during your Matric year. The difference now: you know what you’re doing, and you have a partner who deserves your respect, attention and devotion. So make the most of it.

1. Start the action anywhere but the bedroom
The same old place is too conducive to the same old patterns, says Dr Stella Resnick, author of The Pleasure Zone. Explore some new erogenous areas: the kitchen. The bathroom. Umhlanga Rocks. Your bodies will be in new places, making it less likely that you'll follow old routines.

2. Compliment her
And keep doing it... at least five times a day. It’ll make her feel noticed, special and appreciated. And she’ll feel closer to you. “The more connected she feels, the more sexually inspired she’ll feel,” says Dr Laura Berman, director of the Berman Centre in Chicago. Compliment what she feels good about and cares about - her hair, shoes, singing voice, work triumphs - says Dr Gloria Brame, a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. A confident sex partner is an adventurous sex partner.

3. Go canoeing or hiking
Add a distinct but manageable touch of danger to the day. It will stimulate dopamine in her brain, which may trigger her sex drive, says Dr Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of Why We Love. Pick the right trip - a guided white-water excursion, for example - and learn about the risks and the precautions you should take. She’ll see you as both the cause of the excitement and the source of security. Book the right B&B for the afternoon dry-off and you’re set.

4. Watch porn with the sound off...
Sure, you’ll miss the snappy plumber-housewife banter. But now you two can provide the dialogue. You’ll learn how to talk erotically, so it’s educational. But it’s also fun, you’re both invested in it and it can help reveal fantasies, says Dr Ava Cadell, a sex therapist and the author of Love Around the House. And you’ll probably find a way to kill time during the sex scenes.

5. ...or see a chick flick
Maybe porn isn’t her thing. But Pitt, Clooney or McConaughey might be and for her, these guys are porn, Brame says. She’ll be fantasising about a man who’s sweet and will treat her well. And when he kisses the flirty female lead, you kiss your lady at the same time. Show her that reality - her life - can be better than that.

To your turn your flame into an inferno go to the Men's Health website for the rest of these sexy tips at www.menshealthsa.co.za

Get sweaty together

Pumping up the passion at the beginning of the week sets the tone for days to come. Go to the gym together. Studies show both sexes experience a surge of libido-boosting testosterone 30 minutes after a workout. Shower then hit the bedroom. It’ll zap stress and the sexual momentum will last for the weekend.

Don't lose your bottle

Forget the sex shops, your supermarket has all the sex accessories you need. If she's a little nervous about being adventurous with sex toys, bring a hot water bottle to bed. It's comforting and warming. Let it rest between her legs. "Safety, warmth and arousal are inextricably linked," says sensualist Jonti Searll. "The safer she feels the more turned on she'll get." The key is not to overfill it, there needs to be a little give.

Cut all ties

You need to cut ties with your ex. A study reveals that every contact you have with an ex - including phone calls and emails - makes you one percent more miserable.

Sexual healing

It takes longer for an injury to heal if you're arguing with your spouse. Researchers inflicted blisters on the arms of 42 couples on two separate occasions, one before an argument between spouses and the other before a less stressful social interaction. After an argument, it took a day longer for the blisters to heal. Relationship stress can lower the production of pro-inflammatory cytokines - proteins that help cells heal - at the site of an injury.

The Incredible Sulk

When a woman gets angry she mutates into a vicious Venus flytrap, gagging to bite your wings off. It's your job to get her talking, take control and turn her anger into hot sex. Here's how...


Call the bomb squad
She's quietly furious, you're flummoxed. So defuse her anger in a way she understands: by talking it to death. "The key is to build towards a discussion. It doesn't matter if it's good, bad or ugly," says crisis negotiator Sergeant Scottie Frier. "If you're going to end up in a crisis again with that person, you need to have that trust."

Establish a perimeter
Start by detecting bluffs. "Women sometimes pick fights to gauge a man's level of interest and commitment," says Nancy Fagan, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance. "It might not have to do with what she's nagging about." And don't just blame monthly mood swings. "Under the anger lies the primary feelings of hurt or frustration," says sex educator Dr Charles Miron. "If you dive under the anger and deal with those buried emotions, you're more likely to get a mutually positive outcome." Your telltale sign: hostages. If she's holding back on sex, this could be serious.

Stow the loud hailer
"You want to set the tone, the mood, the tempo and the agenda of the discussion," says Robert Mayer, author of How to Win Any Argument without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming to Blows. Let her vent. If she wants to explode, throw on a bomb suit. "Nobody is going to listen to logic until the emotional part has been dealt with," says Mayer. Use eye contact to show you're listening and paraphrase her points to acknowledge that you're hearing what she's saying.

Seal the deal
"Now it becomes a co-operative effort," Frier says. Let's say your position is logical and you hold the moral high ground. "If you force something on her, you're going to end up with a bitter, resentful girlfriend," says Mayer. So cut a deal. Ask her to offer solutions. If she makes a reasonable demand, work to try and gain something from it, but start small.

Hold her close

Loving contact lowers blood pressure and heart-rate responses in stressful situations. In a study, those who experienced contact were nearly twice as relaxed as the unloved, untouched group.